posted June 01, 1999 03:44 PM            

SPARROW, musing to himself: Somewhere there must be a Hammerite with pink lederhosen. Hopefully he was screaming 'Oh, Builder' when he woke up.
HehheH. If I am lucky this once, that Hammerite scream was a short and high one.

Slowly Sparrow recalled the events of the preceding days. All his present misfortune had started when the rope snapped and Sparrow was forced to cling with his fingers and toes on a stone wall underneath one particular balcony.

SPARROW, still musing to himself: Who has heard a Hammerite rope to give like that. A curse it is, nothing else.

Then his fingers had started to slip. The slide down the stone wall had shredded his baggy Northern trousers.

SPARROW, talking aloud: How can a dagger get stuck on a stone wall? Trickster only knows. That did in the belt anyhow.
Gnihihhiih. There must be some gardener gaping at a pair of pants hanging underneath her lady's balcony. Oh, that damn lazy gardener!

Passers by started give way for Sparrow. Looking concerned.

Sparrow had landed on his hands and knees in the middle of small creeping wines, sans any kind of hosiery.

SPARROW, taking note of stares, quiets down a bit: Sort of luck, I guess, that I didn't fall flat on my face. But screaming, even in quicksilver ivy, that is truly unprofessional.

Quicksilver ivy burning into his arms and legs made Sparrow scream. Patrolling guards had heard that, for sure.

SPARROW, loud again: Must have been a sight, a man, black top, white and red bottom flying across the wall. Well, at least I was stealthy enough get out of The City without notice.

Sparrow had entered to the camping grounds of traveling tinkers, hoping to find a potion maker among them.

SPARROW, quite vocal now: Sure, I found one. Just to be had. Twice, for Trickster sake!

A Potion maker had sold Sparrow a jar of snake rot salve. A good salve to calm down the burning of ivy. Also, the potion maker had 'Just by change, as it goes. A pair a black snake lederhosen. Quite dead, indeed. Guaranteed not to come alive with snake rot salve.'

SPARROW, getting angry: Guaranteed! Black snake! When I find you you'll be black, snake. I gave you my remaining arrows for those pants. And my blackjack.

Sparrow had applied the salve on his legs. The hurt in his arms seemed to quiet down by itself. Now relaxed, he had slept well into the next day with the tinkers. After waking up, Sparrow had headed to Keeper's Gym for his usual practice session.

SPARROW, calmly: Should have known it then and there. When the lederhosen started to turn pink and tight. What a fool am I. But I was not stealing anything. Everybody knows that pouring wine on the outside of snake skin pants won't make them stretch. Had to squeeze the glass inside the pants.

In the gym, lederhosen now pink and tight, Sparrow had tried to stretch his pants with wine. Only to be accused of stealing (clumsily to make it worse), performing obscene acts in public and offending good taste. Three weeks suspension and a fine of 200 plus 100. No explanation were accepted, but Keeper Keg had promised to cut a week off the suspension if Sparrow was willing to distribute Gym's letter.

SPARROW, again angrily: Keg's a peg leg and a big... No, a stinking ape-man he is. But I took care of those letters until that capeless capeman showed up.

The man with an invisible, or lacking, cape had disappeared. Sparrow, feeling the weight of his misfortune, went drinking on shadier side of the City.

SPARROW, amused: Double stupid, drinking while on snake rot salve, Heh. Good hum thou. And then bit of luck just in time.

Somewhere in the bowels of the Lower City Sparrow ran into a drunken Hammerite. The Hammerite had strapped himself on Sparrow and kept talking about some mistreatment that had fallen on him. Suddenly the Hammerite remarked that the color of Sparrow's lederhosen reminded him of Pink Constrictor snake. 'You know, the really big, mean one.' Just then Sparrows lederhosen had tightened a bit.

SPARROW, quietly to himself: I should have paid more attention on that Hammerite. Quite unusual to see them in the lower parts, and drunk. But, hey, had to get rid of the lerderhosen. Now, I just get some new gear, fix my finances and settle with the Gym. And Keeper, Peg Leg, Keg. Indeed. I wonder if any in the guild is willing to help with Keg.

Sparrow stuck his hands into the pockets of his new trousers and started to walk across the market. Hmm. Something in the pocket. A small, tightly rolled piece of paper was touching his fingers. Sparrow unrolled it.

SPARROW: Trickster himself would be amazed. Now I really need help.