Dear Clueless Coworker: This is why people hate you

[fett]

That shit needs to be stopped now. It's like a rabid dog. If a person with a rattail isn't put down for their own good, they're eventually going to hurt a small child.

[Sg3]

Because we don't want to hear about what your ex-con boyfriend did to you in bed last night.

Because we don't want to hear repulsively intimate details about your hygiene practices.

Because when we saved your ugly ass from a piece of machinery that caught you (you were busy babbling inane shit instead of paying attention to where you were going), you accused us of "just watching it" grab you. Even though it was a completely automated piece of equipment with a very predictable, one-dimensional path, and we were all busy doing what we were supposed to be doing instead of watching you.

Because you frequently shift a full, measurable half of the workload on everyone else, but then complain on the rare occasions that someone shifts a small percent of the workload on you.

Because you must be sucking someone's corporate cock in order to not have been fired by now.

[Sliptip]

. . .Because you can never figure out that I'm actually trying to do something when I don't respond to your 20 minute long description of your weekend.

Yeah . . .Seriously what is that?! No matter where I work, there's always some guy who does that. Drives me mental!

[Thief13x]

Because you intentionally shout your sneezes as loud as possible and make no effort to suppress it so that the entire office floor looks in your direction

[Subjective Effect]

The funny thing is I bet ZylonBane is just as pedantic in real life and somewhere on the internet his co-workers are bitching about just. how. pedantic. he is.

[Chimpy Chompy]

I have a co-worker who drives me nuts with constant coughing. Any idea what can make people need to do that? It's a year-round thing and has survived a move of office, so if it's an allergy must be to something very commonly present.

I don't want to be a douchebag to someone with a genuine illness but also i sometimes have to leave the room, it's that aggravating a noise.

[Subjective Effect]

Smoking?

[Chimpy Chompy]

Not a current smoker. Unless he chainsmoked the hell out of his lungs at a young age I guess, (is... 40something).

[dethtoll]

Potsmoker?

[ZylonBane]

The funny thing is I bet ZylonBane is just as pedantic in real life and somewhere on the internet his co-workers are bitching about just. how. pedantic. he is.

The overwhelming majority of my coworkers are fuckoffs who only have a job because our company can't find anyone better to replace them (and whose work I must constantly correct). So I think I can live with their theoretical derision.

[faetal]

I have a co-worker who drives me nuts with constant coughing. Any idea what can make people need to do that? It's a year-round thing and has survived a move of office, so if it's an allergy must be to something very commonly present.

I don't want to be a douchebag to someone with a genuine illness but also i sometimes have to leave the room, it's that aggravating a noise.

If it's restricted to his throat, it could be a symptom of chronic acid reflux.

[CCCToad]

When you moved offices, did you bring the same furniture with or was it all new?

And what might help is getting him a small, quiet airfilter. If its a cube farm it won't help the environment much but it might grant him some relief by blowing clean air in his direction while he's at his desk.

[Subjective Effect]

(and whose work I must constantly correct).

HA HA HA you couldn't make it up.


Constant cougher may well be an ex-smoker and have chronic bronchitis. Instead of moaning about him why not talk to him about it? He would probably benefit from a visit to his gp.

[Scots Taffer]

Reading a thread like this, I'm glad the worst thing I have to deal with is sometimes wanting quiet time to think when surrounded by a bunch of friendly, smart, witty bastards.

I suppose when one or two of them sing it's kind of annoying.

[nickie]

And I'm contemplating the hidden benefits of being unemployed.

[Ulukai]

I hate it when people start looking for synergies to harmonise the process going forwards.

[Scots Taffer]

Ulukai, this dialogue has really yielded some insights, let's socialise them and take it offline for a while.

[Martin Karne]

The overwhelming majority of my coworkers are fuckoffs who only have a job because our company can't find anyone better to replace them (and whose work I must constantly correct). So I think I can live with their theoretical derision.

Is it now? Incredible how all people think the same of the other people.
I think you're in need of a desperate vacation time somewhere in Hawaii to blow some steam off your person.

Luckily I work alone, ah ah so now have fun with your unbearable co-workers.

[dethtoll]

I hate it when people start looking for synergies to harmonise the process going forwards.

It amazes me that people even talk this way. The sad thing is, most of the types who do it do it in their personal lives too. And you want to strangle them 'til their eyes pop.

[Tocky]

I have a co-worker who drives me nuts with constant coughing. Any idea what can make people need to do that?

Lisinopril. Does he have high blood pressure?


Because when I asked you to check your pockets for the missing tickets you became irate though you were the last person seen with them. Then, just when the last of the 30 tickets was reprinted from scratch, you pull them from your pocket.

Because every morning no matter what important business you are in the middle of your mother must call you and everyone in the room must stop to hear how much you love her and how you are going to blow off whatever work needs doing to deliver her a bacon egg and cheese from Mc D.

Because when I tell you of problems that need to be corrected I'm "just being negative".

Because when the problems I told you of come to full fruition and nothing can now be done you forget I told you when something could have been done and instead seek to blame me.

Because you think peppermint can hide the smell of alcohol and even if it could it still doesn't hide the empty bottles you leave in the floorboard OF A TRUCK YOU BORROWED AND RETURNED PARKED CROOKED.

Because you disregarded everything I told you about which customers were not to be trusted and let them run up outrageous bills they will never pay just to pad your commission and the boss then put pressure on the rest of us to squeeze good paying high volume customers who owed little for reasonable amounts of time to the point of losing them to make up for your losses which of course did not work and made things worse.

Because everything you do has to be redone by your overworked coworkers and yet you cannot be fired because one mason never fires another no matter how onerous their behavior.

Because any monkey could run a company of good employees and ruin one by catering to bad ones that stroke his ego so stop shooting the ones rowing the boat because the ones with time enough to stand around running the others down never dip an oar in the water.

Crap. I thought venting would make me feel better.

[Subjective Effect]

What type of mason? The society?

[Tocky]

Yes. The ones with the compass symbol on their rings who think being secretive is the most important part of recruitment. I guess it is when the secret is that the society is made up of idiots.

[ZylonBane]

Because when the nice lady at the lunch counter asks the name to write on your ticket, you give her the name of your dog... who you named after a Lord of the Rings character.

I swear to god I'm not making that up.

[LarryG]

These resonated for me & reminded me to be very grateful that I now telecommute to work.

[Subjective Effect]

Good God, most of those are so terrible, so amateur, that I think I'd rather put up with an annoying co-worker than the dullard that came up with them.

I mean... Wtf? The level of cruddery is really something else. It's frikking depressing.