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Thread: THREAD OF DISAPPOINTMENT AND HATE

  1. #1
    Chakat sex pillow
    Registered: Sep 2006
    Location: not here

    THREAD OF DISAPPOINTMENT AND HATE

    As a proud survivor of internet 1.0, internet 2.0, and the current era of our internet overlords #millennial #[ambivalently postured emoji] #bumscruffpoopsnuggle #woketoke #NSFW aggretsuko gifs, this forum requires special housing for some of our questionable personalities' more questionable impulses.

    So I hereby declare this thread as a one-stop shop for all your bilious barfs, poop chute pellets, and every other manner of lavatory lugubriciousness. Yes, this is for you, you special urine-drenched snowflake. Yeah. THAT'S RIGHT.

    Also, henke was entirely responsible for this thread. If you have a problem, take it up with him.

    First up:



    FUCK YOU HONKY



    am I doing this right

  2. #2
    So, you want a "soft 4chan" section on TTLG? Why not just stop kidding yourself and go for the real thing?

  3. #3
    Member
    Registered: Apr 2002
    Location: Landahn
    Everyone play The Quiet Man. Now.

  4. #4
    Level 10,000 achieved
    Registered: Mar 2001
    Location: Finland
    Hah, perfect.

    Now we have all the bases covered. Or do we still need a THREAD OF AMBIVALENCE? (no)

  5. #5
    Member
    Registered: Apr 2002
    Location: Landahn
    Meh.

  6. #6
    So, this is the Blood Bowl venting thread?

  7. #7
    Member
    Registered: Aug 2004
    Quote Originally Posted by henke View Post
    Or do we still need a THREAD OF AMBIVALENCE?
    Maybe, but we'll never get around to it.

    I've been replaying Mark of the Ninja, and finding the upgrades to be kinda weird. Like, you start with some really good ones, and then its followed by a lot of mediocre to poor options, so instead of being excited "hey, let me try this" it's usually kind of disappointing. And then there's the outfit styles. The first you get is Hunter, which lets you carry two attack items. Two different attack items. But you only have access to one attack item at the time... Hunter is a decent outfit later in the game, but when you unlock it, it sucks. And frankly the second attack item you get, caltrops, is borderline useless anyway. The next outfit you unlock is Silence, in which you don't get a sword. It's a sweet outfit, especially if you want that no-kills bonus, but every mission for quite some time gives a bonus objectives that involve killing. Gah. How could they not notice this and sort this out? Especially with linear unlocks. An outfit should unlock with a mission tailored to make it shiny.

  8. #8
    Member
    Registered: Apr 2002
    Location: Landahn
    In case anyone still needs convincing that the PS Classic is utterly unconvincing I'll just post this here:

    https://www.eurogamer.net/amp/2018-1...disappointment

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Pyrian View Post
    And then there's the outfit styles. The first you get is Hunter,
    You get access to the Hunter/Silence/Terror paths based on the bonus objectives you complete, so there's no guarantee that you'll unlock Hunter first unless you're anal about completing every bonus objective on the first go. Also, completing the DLC map (automatically included in the Remaster) unlocks an additional path (Wisdom), a distraction item and an attack item. You can complete the DLC map before tackling the main game.

  10. #10
    Member
    Registered: Aug 2004
    Quote Originally Posted by WingedKagouti View Post
    You get access to the Hunter/Silence/Terror paths based on the bonus objectives you complete, so there's no guarantee that you'll unlock Hunter first unless you're anal about completing every bonus objective on the first go.
    Well, that just makes it even less excusable, doesn't it? If there are other options just hanging around waiting, why even have the option to unlock Hunter until you have two attack items? (And why even have a system like that if it's not going to be called out anywhere in the interface for people to pursue?) I stand by my assertion that major unlocks should be paired with situations that cater to their use - y'know, like most games do.

    Speaking of anal, I think this game goes too far in punishing stealth failures, especially when compared to deaths. "Whoops, that's going to cost me a point of honor - unless I go stand in front of this machine gun!"

  11. #11
    Member
    Registered: May 2004
    Well... isn't that how honour works for the ninja?

  12. #12
    Chakat sex pillow
    Registered: Sep 2006
    Location: not here
    No, you're thinking of samurai.

  13. #13
    El Shagmeister
    Registered: Jul 2000
    Location: Under your fingernails.
    I can fap to this.

  14. #14
    Moderator
    Registered: Jan 2003
    Location: NeoTokyo
    What?? Untitled Goose Game was a disappointment? :*(
    I mean, it's a stupid name, I'll grant that, but I love geese!

  15. #15
    Chakat sex pillow
    Registered: Sep 2006
    Location: not here
    It's like this: when I was about six years old, my family took me to visit the brother of a friend of my second cousin once removed, and he lived on sprawling farmgrounds with livestock and fowl all over the place. I rambled with the goats, sprung about with the rabbits, tussled with the local cats, and never went near the cattle shed because it stank like satan's own sphincter. Good times. My brother was around fucking about with a friend and throwing rocks at things, and at the exact moment our paths crossed I was approaching a pair of beautiful geese because I had a sudden urge to pet them. My brother being the fuckstain that he was, managed to clip one on the head with a large stone at the exact moment they both made eye contact with me. There was a squawk, a sudden eruption of ruffled feathers, and...

    ...I spent the next five minutes being chased around those beautiful, sprawling farmgrounds on a rainy afternoon by two beautiful, irate honking flapbirds that were way faster than anything that normally waddles had any right to be, while my brother and his friend rolled around in the grass and laughed. I finally lost them by running into the cattle shed and spending a tense couple of minutes under an only slightly perturbed cow, then slinking back into the main residence and sucking my thumb in front of the TV set for the rest of the day. It's a memory that haunts me to this day.

    So yes. The only good goose is one that's cooked.

    In summary: FUCK YOU HONKY
    Last edited by Sulphur; 9th Nov 2018 at 03:56.

  16. #16
    Level 10,000 achieved
    Registered: Mar 2001
    Location: Finland
    Goose phobia due to childhood trauma. It all makes sense now. :|

  17. #17
    Thing What Kicks
    Registered: Apr 2004
    Location: London
    Ah, third-party goose trauma is the best trauma.

  18. #18
    Member
    Registered: Aug 2003
    Location: Jafaville New Zealand
    Quote Originally Posted by Sulphur View Post
    So yes. The only good goose is one that's cooked. :
    As a curry?

  19. #19
    El Shagmeister
    Registered: Jul 2000
    Location: Under your fingernails.
    God, I miss our Monaco days. <3

  20. #20
    Zombified
    Registered: Sep 2004
    opened this for Diablo Immortal, left disappointed.

  21. #21
    Chakat sex pillow
    Registered: Sep 2006
    Location: not here
    Good, 'cause we already got the hate covered.

    Quote Originally Posted by bob_doe_nz View Post
    As a curry?
    You know you're setting this up for a Peking goose pun, right? But I'm gonna be a gentleman make a joke only you and, er, Duck will get. How about them apples, huh.

    Malf: that story is the best story, with the kind of rigorous attention to scientific detail and illustration that warrants it a special honour in the annals of goose-related incident.
    Last edited by Sulphur; 9th Nov 2018 at 15:12.

  22. #22
    Thing What Kicks
    Registered: Apr 2004
    Location: London
    The version she published in her book is even funnier. Few things have me laughing out loud in public, but I found myself crying with laughter and stifling genuine guffaws when I read it on the train. Unfotunately, I don't think the book version is reproduced anywhere online. Still, the book itself is fab and highly worth picking up.

  23. #23
    Moderator
    Registered: Jan 2003
    Location: NeoTokyo
    Well ok you (Sulph) were young, but a bit older and that would only be the best experience ever. Geese are funny when they're irate, although admittedly pretty vicious... Kids these days have probably all seen the YT videos of angry geese and know what to do, lucky bastards. Sorry you had to go through that then and not a bit later when I think the odds might have been a bit more in your favour.

    I'm a complete sucker for farm animals and only have warm and fuzzy experiences. Once I sunk my fingers into the wool of a sheep and went into total squee shock for like 5 minutes straight. The worst I ever went through, ok, well two things, one was the horse that went missing for a few days, so we trekked out into the fields to find him, only to find him mostly eaten down to the bone by the dogs with the ribs exposed, and one particularly happy doxen chowing down on them and swinging around to greet us with his tail wagging a hurricane. On the one hand, poor horse -- I should have felt sad -- but in my life I've never seen a happier dog, and he kind of took the bite off, so to speak.

    The other thing was accidentally letting the cow out of the gate and spending the rest of the afternoon trying to get that cow back through that person-sized gate. The thing about cows is they only really know how to walk away from the crazy guy hooting and hollering at it, which makes it hard to get it to walk it through a gate. My dad rode his riding lawn mower so we could try to triangulate him. I don't know why I found the whole thing very funny. The harder it got the more I laughed.

    As for geese, the happiest day in my life was a summer afternoon in 2003 in Geneva when I realized I was in deeply in love with the love of my life, and I very much remember the geese bobbing their tails up in the air with their heads underwater and their feet ghost cycling in the air, which was also a very funny thing to see on a day like that. I only get warm fuzzies by them now. <3

    Edit: Wait, those might have been swans. Ok, so I can just say of geese that they get second-hand warm fuzzies by association then.
    Last edited by demagogue; 10th Nov 2018 at 06:00.

  24. #24
    Chakat sex pillow
    Registered: Sep 2006
    Location: not here
    Those sound like good memories, dema. Even the dead horse one. I have similar ones, but nature was either a passive agent or an antagonist that ended up creating bonds neither of us expected, so even in the midst of this recollecting my fury roars in the background, unabated.

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