See the world of Thief through the eyes of the monsters

Also known as Ratman, this twisted creation makes up the backbone of the Trickster's hoard.

"Warmsiesss us by the fire."
"Yes. Warmsiesss. Heated by the burning woodsie. Gift of The Woodsie Lord." I shift my feet, slash my tail and shiver in pleasure. "Remember the woodsie you?"
"Remembers doess I."
"We was not clever then, hnnn. Not so bright."
"Noes. We wasn't."
"But happy we was. Up high in the treess."
"Yess. Treess."
"The humans took our trees!" I crack my tail against the pillar in anger.
"Gone now."
"They did burn and build and destroy our treess!" I twitch in agitation. "They take away our homess!"
"But The Woodsie Lord did come."
The softness in my companion's voice calms me. "Yess. He did come. And ours will revenge be soon."
We stand silent and listen to the fire as it crackles and burns. Nothing moves. No-one speaks. We await the word of The Woodsie Lord.
"Hear you that?" My companion turns to face the darkness. "Sneaksie I hear."
"Sneaksie?" I drop my hand to my sword and crouch, my eyes searching the dark. "I see no sneaksie."
"There!" Even as my companion speaks a shadowy figure darts from the corner and through the door. "See you that?!"
"Yess. I seess!" Sword out, I chase the man flesh. "Revenge! Reveeenge!" I stumble through the door and come to a stop. The fire is out, the room filled with darkness.
"Where'd he go?" My companion asks behind me.
I do not answer put move forward into the room. "Come sie out, sneaksie. You cannot hidess."
"Yess. Comess out!"
My companion and I scour the whole room but find nothing. "Perhaps a shadow it did be, cast by the woodsie fire."
"Perhaps," my companion agrees. We return to the fire to await The Woodsie Lords decree.

A large slow creature, which, when angered, spews forth poisonous fumes in self-defence...

The halls are quiet, the family at rest and yet I must retain my vigilance. We are few, we Burrick of the Man City, and our life is not an easy one. Food must be taken from the tunnels that are the haunt of the spiders and the grounds watched over by glowing fires that spit. Light does not reach us down here but to go above would be to contend with the man things. Some, I have heard, have done just that. No word of their survival has ever reached us.

This place where the city now rests was once ours. It was here that we dug our burrows, cropped the grass and lived peacefully. And then the man things came. They dug up our grass, collapsed our burrows and covered it with their stone. And then they sought our young for their skin, to turn it into their coverings. They are not to be trusted. The man things are evil! But they are long gone. We live now in peace.

I watch as my eldest begins his patrol. We have young, three of them, and so the patrols must be made. Spiders often feed on the defenceless. I have just settled down to watch the playful litter when a cry of pain fills the air. I rush into the adjoining room to find my son lying motionless on the floor, blood pooling around a shaft of wood in his side. I keen for him, calling to the Earth Mother to protect his soul. I search the room but there is nothing. I turn for the stairs and pain erupts in my side. Spinning about I see it. The Man Thing! Time has not changed their ways. Still they trick us, using their fake skin to lurk in the shadows and invading our home.

The young! It will find the young! My lungs heave and the acid inside churns. I snort to clear my nose, howling to warn it off. It does not listen. More pain slices my flesh. The man thing must die! I belch but already I see another shaft flying towards me. The young....

Insectazoids. The 'watchman' of the Tricksters army. Their chitters are a mystery few understand...

"All is well! All is well!" The clucks and clicks of our language echo through the building, each one unique to our sensitive ears. "No one here! No one here!" I call back as I watch over the hive. The alarm that called us here still rings in the air, the pitch too high for any human to hear. Throughout the hive the call is repeated and it is known that all is safe. Round and round the call will go. If one is taken out the chain will be broken. I listen now to the echoing call and add my voice to it all.

The Trickster, he did make us, to watch over all. He took us from the grasses and the seas. Made us as we are today. For him we watch, for him we guard, no-one will our paths pass. "All is well! All is well!" The circle begins again. My head does turn. My ears do strain. "No one here! No one here!" I call again.

I hear a scrape upon the stone. As I turn I see a shadow, heading for my head. I duck down swift and my head it does miss but my shoulder now does throb. I call aloud, "Invader! Invader!" and bring my claws to bare. Manflesh now stands before me, iron out, sharp and pointy. I slash and hack but it does parry. The metal bites. The manflesh grins. I call again to my brothers. "We come! We come!" is the reply. The metal plunges into my chest. I do howl and breathe my last breath. And even as my brothers do come, the manflesh to the shadows has fled.

Lifeless entities of fire essence, or sentient beings capable of thought and feeling? Why, the latter, of course...

The earth did break, the fire pour forth,
Molten rock and bloody earth,
When the man-fool's did the crust invade.

Into our world they did come.
And for their sin, they did burn!

But before they fled, one thing did they take,
The talisman of fire, our magic's key,
For without it's power we could not be.

Our fuel did burn, time did run,
And one by one, we did flicker and die.

Few we had become when they did return,
We watched and waited as they carried it on,
And placed it in the tower where it would remain anon .

Into our world they did come,
And for their sins, they did burn!

In peace we stayed as the sands did turn,
Watching and waiting for him to come.

Then came another, a cheat and a sneak,
With water he did snuff us, with guile he did elude as,
And from the tower the key did he snatch,
Then fled the city before we could react.

The key is gone,
Our power does fade.
But revenge will be ours,
In the metal age!

Quick and deadly. They make their homes in the greener areas of the Trickster's world. Their only weapon, their ability to self destruct.

Fly good. Eat fly. Sit on leave. Warm. Like warm. Trickster give warm. Trickster good. Two legs come. Don't like two legs. Make fun of frog. Think better than frog! Two legs were frog once. Then trickster gave them magic. "Here, make flies," he says, "and I will make you big." Flies for eats, not makes. And were is their green and their warm? Gone! Frog is good. Frog is me.

Must move. Must move. Or two legs will stamp on me. But then two legs will be one leg. Ha ha! But then frog be dead. That not good. Frog not want to die. But trickster, he say, "you want warm and eats, you must serve!" Die for warm, die for eats. Eat fly. Big fly.

Manflesh does not come to warm so frog will not die. Just eat, be warm. Listen hard, listen good. Nothing there, that is good. Two legs gone, frog alone. Sit on warm green and eat and dream. Manflesh won't come, frog will not die. Breed, be happy. And eat all the flies.

A female. I see her! Look at me! My chest, it is big. See how I puff! She looks to me and does hop my way. Breed, be happy, and share flies shall we!

Noise, so strange, rings through the air, shaking my ears and freezing me there. Darkness, it does streak, straight past my eyes. And hits the she-frog. She does die! Her body it explodes under the Trickster's curse. No more eats, no more warm. Just dead. All gone. Move I must, before I too die, hide from the dark streak that made her die.

Too fast am I for the manflesh am I. He sights me with bow but already I gone. Eats, I had. And warmth too. Now I must pay my due. Jumps one more time to manflesh's feet. Takes deep breath, body does swell. Time to die now. Frog all gone...

In life they served the Builder. In death...

Once I did the Builder serve. My life, my soul, I gave to him. I walked in his halls, prayed at his altars. My only desire was to see his justice upheld. With my hammer as my weapon and my faith as my shield, I did protect his halls and his chosen with my life. I broke not one stricture, told not one lie, but still he chose to desert me.

The Eye was brought to us by the False Priest and entrusted into our care. If we had known it's true nature we would have refused. It worked on us from the first day, invading our dreams at night and bringing doubt into our minds at night. As soon as the truth was realised we fought it in the only way we knew how, with our hammers and our prayers. The city was evacuated and the Wall erected but for those of us left behind the world became a nightmare.

It was then that I did see the Builder had forsaken his children. Seeing this truth I did turn to The Eye to pledge service. My pledge accepted, I do serve The Eye in death as I did the Builder in life. Still, some resisted. They refused to acknowledge the truth. They are walking corpses now. All of them. In my service to The Eye I made it so.

I have been granted the honour of serving in the room in which The Eye itself does wait for the destruction of The Wall so that the invasion may begin. I wait now before it, my vigilance high. There have been rumours that someone has found their way over The Wall. The Eye must be protected!

Above me a zombie groans out its warning. I look up but see nothing. Things become quiet again. I watch and pray to The Eye for strength, turning once more to face the main doors. It was a mistake. Even as I took my first step on my patrol The Eye cried out for help. I ran to it, as did the others, only to find it held in the clutches of one of the living. The human was crouched atop the false hammer, his dark cloak making him hard to see. I raised my voice in supplication. Without The Eye none of us would survive. My prayers went unanswered. Something dropped on us from above, exploding in a painful blast of light. All around me I heard death cries. And as the next bomb came hurtling towards us I knew that we were betrayed. Again.

If the Apemen are the backbone, the Insect beasts are the hammer. The Trickster's 'magicians', they kill with 'fly bombs'...

Another bubble rises from the portal, carrying another warrior to the portal that leads to the human world. Of all his minions us The Woodsie Lord chose us to guard his Maw. We are the ones who have risen above all. We are the ones who lead the assault with our magic and our brains. The spiders they do hiss and scurry, the frogs do hop and think of food. The craymen watch and listen but they are weak. The apemen, they do mimic the humans, with their slurred speech and swords. But we are the ones who guard the portal. We are the ones who will lead the armies as The Woodsie Lord conquers all.

My eyes pass briefly over the pathway once more. There is no true threat. Not here in the Maw. My kind guards the walkway. Fire and ice blocks the way. No-one can reach us down hear. The lava beneath me is bubbling loudly, another testament to The Woodsie Lord's strength. Who else can claim his power? Who else has created life? My eyes go to the tunnel now, where the apemen should be. It does not bother me when no-one emerges. They are lazy, like the humans they wish to be. I would not be surprised if even now they take a break from their duties.

"See you on the surface."

I nod as another of my brethren takes his place between the pillars and as I wait for my turn to come my mind turns towards the future. We will rule in the humans' place.


I look down at the apeman as he waves and yells but a glance at the path reveals nothing. I batter him into silence and return to my thoughts. It is only when he begins to squeal that I realise something is wrong.

"Man flesh!" he hisses again, pointing.

Fire flashes over my head and I hear a sizzle then the column behind me shatters. The glow of a second arrow shows me the human. Panic grips me as I realise what has happened. The human must not be allowed to succeed! The army is not through yet! We are not ready! Even as I begin my spell the second arrow takes flight. The apeman jostles me as it tries to find a way to the human. My concentration is shattered. The third arrow finds its mark. A slap sends the apeman tumbling into the lava, its shrieks filling the air. Even as I prepare to begin the spell once more the fourth arrow comes in. The spell complete, the flyball flies forth but the human has already gone. The columns collapse, the portal shudders. "Master!" I cry. The island I stand on begins to crumble. "Master....!"

The spider comes in two varieties, the larger grey and the vicious red web spitter. Meet the spitter...

Watch and wait,
Guard the gate,
Serve the Trickster,
Who made us great


Stand, be bold,
Do as told,
No-one must The Eye behold


Spin the web,
Soften the thread,
Ready the poison,
To make invaders dead


Watch the light,
Watch the dark,
Movement there?
Who would dare?


Shadows change,
Fire burns,
The eyeless one,
He hath come!


Must protect,
Kill the threat..!


Many people class zombies as evil, bloodthirsty and without feelings. It is time you learnt the truth....

It has been many years since I felt gentle winds brush my skin or the sun heat my blood. Often the memories of a soft word or even softer kiss linger in my head. When the night closes in I hear again her voice, bidding good day and a swift return. And I see my children, Lise and Eiron, waving me goodbye as I leave for work at the Market Street powerhouse. Bitter memories, they are reminders of what my world has become. I am dead many years now, as are my family. When The Wall went up, they were rescued and found piece whilst I was left behind to suffer at the hands of The Eye. I have nothing left to do now but wander the streets and mourn what is lost...

Another chunk of muscle tears free and falls to the ground with a sickly sqidge. I pause for only a second to stare at the rotting flesh. There was a time when watching my body rot left me feeling disgust, but now it is the same as the memories. It pains my mind but it is distant and I have grown numb to it all. I continue on, following the path The Eye set for me many years past, the muscles in my legs so rotted I can barely manage to shuffle along, the air wheezing through my collapsed wind pipe as the part of me that was once human futilely tries to draw breath. I hear the moan of the other zombies and the quick pacing of the haunts but The Eyes power prevents us approaching each other. And then I smell it...

Blood! Fresh, human blood. Living blood. I round the corner and there he is. A human draped in a heavy black cloak and carrying a bow. I try to warn him but my vocal cords have long lost the ability to produce speech. And then the darkness comes. Every thought, every agony, that I have been forced to endure since The Wall, fills my mind and The Eye's evil sweeps through me. The thing that sets out to destroy this human is no longer under my control! I stumbled forwards, ever inch of me screaming for blood whilst my mind cries out for that which is lost. I want so much to feel again that I will kill just for those few brief seconds of shared life...

Fire explodes in my chest, sending me reeling backwards. There is no pain but the thought of freedom is enough to make me hesitate. There is another explosion, followed by a burning agony the likes of which I have not felt since my death. And then... nothing...

But already The Eye is pulling me, holding my spirit captive even as I struggle to escape. My body has already begun to coalesce, although the human does not see it. And I know that, come tomorrow, I will be walking the rounds of the dead once more.

Only one thing, the touch of the holy water, may grant one such as I peace. So, next time you stumble across my kind, grant us rest...

You met her as a woman in need of service. A woman willing to pay handsomely. And later she stood at Constantine's side as he told of his desire for The Eye...

Ah, the foolish one comes at last. And, yes, he brings The Eye. And for what? Gold? Human greed never fails to amaze me. And this Garrett, he is the greediest yet. Even now he places The Eye in The Woodsie Lord's hand. Is he blind? The question makes me chuckle. He will understand soon enough. He looks so smug, this human, so... self-righteous.


I step forward into the light and take pleasure in the confusion on his face. So easily led, these humans. "We are both so very pleased, even though The Eye is defective." He looks at me blankly. Such ignorance is hard to believe. And still he is foolish enough to demand payment!

The Woodsie Lord speaks. "Of course. Viktoria, are you prepared to give Mr. Garrett his... compensation"

Even as The Woodsie lord speaks I begin my transformation. The terror I see on the manfool's face is like honey to me. Sweet and satisfying. It freezes him in place. My webbing snaps out, trapping him. His whole body shakes in my grasp. The ritual begins...

"Bow to the Woodsie Lord..." I slam him into the pillar.., " and offer up your flesh eye so that his eye of stone may see, manfool!" My talons reach forward. I feel him struggle against my grasp. But he is weak. Human. My talons sink into the flesh around his eye. The manfool's blood wets my flesh. I feel his body jolt as I rip his eye from his face. Not so arrogant now, manfool. Not so smug, hmmm. He lies there, shivering. Too afraid to look upon us. He has served his purpose. If time allowed, I would make him my pet.

The one for whom you retrieved The Eye. A human who became a monster. Know as The Trickster by most, his minnions call him The Woodsie Lord...

My words are powered by power unseen on this world for eons. A ritual prepared in the dawn of the human coming only to be thwarted by The keepers. But many years of planing and manoeuvring have finally brought me to this stage. The dawn of a new era. The return of The Woodsie Lord!

I step away from the last of the podiums are turn towards The Eye. An entity itself, it will serve me now as it once would have served itself. I will take its power and make it my own and I need say but a few simple words. I cannot help but smile at my triumph. My blood already sings with the power.

Was that movement I saw there? Peering into the shadows I see nothing but rock. Nerves, nothing more. The only one capable of breaching The Maw, the fool Garrett, is long dead. The Keepers will not interfere this time, their fear is too great. I stand before The Eye and look upon its splendour. It looks duller now than when I first held it but that is nothing more than a change in lighting. The flesh eye, once the manfool Garrett's, blinks at me. The magic that flows through me is like a drug as I begin the final verse...

Open for me,

Open to me,

Open my way,

Open the path,

Open for me!

As I speak the words the power of The Eye floods me and I feel the vortex grow. A column of spinning air encloses me and my vision narrows until I see nothing but The Eye, a glowing light in the darkness. Now they will see! The work of the Builder will be crushed, the hammerites overthrown. As I speak the last word I see before my eyes the world as it will become. The temples destroyed, the unbelievers dead and the flesh of my making walking the earth once more. Nothing can stop me now. Nothing!

The Eye flares, blinding me! Power rips through me like knifes. The Eye has turned! This is the force of the Builder! Even as I fall I see him on the ledge above. Garrett! That smug smile back on his face. "It betrays me...!"