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Thread: 1000 clues that you have been playing thief way to much ...

  1. #376
    Registered: Aug 1999
    Location: Somewhere within the depths of the woods

    This one actually HAPPENED TO ME TODAY! Now things get WILDER:

    You go to the premiere of the new "Harry Potter" movie, and the following things occur:

    #1765 You see the trailer for the new "Scooby Doo" movie, and before you realize what the trailer is for (since you don't find out until the end), you watch the footage and think "HEY! It looks exactly like I'm playing a game of Thief!"

    #1766 Your hopes rise as you wonder if maybe, just maybe, a Thief movie was OKed...

    #1767 ...only to be dashed the moment Scooby Doo appears on the screen.

    #1768 You see the scene that shows Hogwarts off in the distance, and you think "Hey, looks like it could be the exterior for a really cool Thief board!"

    #1769 You watch the scenes involving the towering changing staircases and wonder that the idea wasn't used for Constantine's mansion.

    #1770 You suddenly realise what a pain such a section would be to play, because there are NO SHADOWS!

    #1771 You watch the footage of Harry using the invisibility cloak, and all you can think of is Silent Sleep's excellent FM featuring you going up against renegade keepers.

    #1772 You watch as Harry uses the invisibility cloak to sneak through a library of books, immediately study all the shadows and obstacles present on instinct and think, "Now if *I* was doing that, here's how *I* would do it... just like in Thief..."

    And last, but certainly not least...

    #1773 You watch the scene where Hagrid pulls out the egg, and the first thing it reminds you of is the frogbeast eggs you normally keep in your Thief 2 inventory!

    #1774 You observe the baby dragon, and chuckle to yourself because you keep expecting it to explode at any moment.

    I normally don't think of Thief when watching movies, but today... well, just had to put those up.

  2. #377
    Registered: Nov 2000
    Location: ttLg

    #1775 - You download Winamp 3 and spend over an hour decrypting its Byzantine setup to make it look, "Thiefish".

  3. #378
    Registered: May 2001
    Location: Somewhere in Canada

    "Computer snack food" for you can be nothing but apples, carrots, bread, and deer legs (bologna will do right?).

  4. #379
    Registered: Jun 2001
    Location: Sydney

    #1777- Your bath is 20ft wide and eight foot deep, ala Lord Gervasius

    #1778- You don't bother drawing aside curtains, you just wlk into them, usually resulting in getting hopelessly tangled.

    #1779- It takes you 12 and a half minutes to walk from one side of the room to the other if the floor's marble.

    #1780- You're trying to grow a row of Viktoria's in the back yard.

  5. #380
    Registered: Jul 2001
    Location: Bafford's well-house

    Well, I guess I'll have to contribute

    1781. When you're writing an exam in school and accidently writes "a loot" instead of "a lot"

    True story...


  6. #381
    Registered: May 2000
    Location: Land of No Bubble Gum

    #1782: And when Burt got back his exam papers after the teacher marked them, he looked through the results and angrily shouted: "Where the hell is the 'STATS' page? Me knows it well me killed 10 guards total with nary a secret left unfound! What doom is a'born in here? Lord Randall's would have smelled better!"

    [ November 27, 2001: Message edited by: HunterByNite ]

  7. #382
    Registered: Jul 2001
    Location: Bafford's well-house

    LOL, HunterByNite!


  8. #383
    Registered: Mar 2001
    Location: Jersey City

    Ok here's a few jokey ones to start with:

    1783) You get T-shirts made that say "WWND?" and "WWLD?" ("What Would Nightwalker Do?" and "What Would Lytha Do?").

    1784) You play while sleepwalking.

    1785) In that somnambulent state you are still able to beat "Bafford's" on expert in under 20 minutes.

    1786) Your blackjack has an odometer on it.

    1787) Which has flipped back over to "000000" fourteen times.

    1788) You can't belong to any of the clans because you fear it would take too much time away from playing.

    1789) You're so familiar with the AI that you've given them each nicknames like "Johnny No Neck", "Isaac Hammerman", "Pickled Stu" and "Sleep Deprived Todd".

    1790) This habit leads you to develop your own new style of play: "Dennis Miller mode" in which every time you encounter an AI you must immediately verbally assault them (preferably with an obscure reference such as "Oh Yeah babe, nice outfit. Who are you supposed to be? The guitarist from Air Supply? Get some fashion sense, Chaaachiii!").

    1791) You estimate your Garrett weighs just over 690 pounds because of the enormous quantity of Deer Legs, Cheese, cucumbers and apples he gorges himself on.

    1792) In a related cheese note: You enjoy being constipated because you think you sound like our hero when he's overexerting himself.

    1793) You take the above pride to the next step by referring to your costiveness as "having weapons trouble" or "mantling" ( Friend: "Are you OK in there?" You: "Sure am, I'm just doin' some mantling!").

    As hard as it may be to believe, the rest of these are all true of me:

    1794) You install a recliner to take the place of the traditional computer accessory: the swivel chair.

    1795) You've been late for important appointments because you lost track of time while playing an FM.

    1796) You dress as Garrett for Halloween (I used a rolled up pair of black dress socks for the blackjack).

    1797) You've skipped work just to play FM's all day long.

    1798) You seriously consider naming your first-born son "Garrett".

    1799) You seriously consider naming your first-born daughter "Calendra".

    1800) Your love of Thief is so overpowering that it becomes contagious to the point of turnig your family members, friends and friends' family members into your extended Thief family. Marvel at the chain reaction:

    1801) Your sister's fiancee is laid off due to an injured arm. He's a snap to convert once he watches you playing all the time.

    1802) You realize you'd better get your girlfriend hooked too so that your endless jabbering on about the game will make sense.

    1803) Girlfriend takes a copy of the game down with her on her trip to visit her brother and his girlfriend out of state. She gets them playing it.

    1804) Your girlfriend's mom has her curiosity piqued once you explain to her how many people of her sex and/or age range there are who play too (you use our Goddess Nightwalker as your primary example).

    1805) After you've gotten both daughter and mom addicted they end up playing on a laptop after their Thanksgiving dessert and cause the rest of girlfriend's family to become interested.

    1806) While playing, your 2 and 3 year old nieces notice your activity and ask what the game is. You innocently and without thinking about the consequences reply: "Hide and Seek" (you can see where this is going).

    1807) The 2 year old soon becomes your cheerleader sitting in the recliner with you; exuberantly encouraging you to "knock that bad guy over!" and having the time of her life when you climb up rope arrows and ladders which she accompanies with a "Wheeeeee!" every single time.

    1808) At the baptism of your newborn niece (for whom you are the godfather) you are accused by the aforementioned sister's fiancee that you were coveting the holy water while you stood up there during the ceremony.

    1809) On the evening of September 11th, when it all got too much, you found calm and comfort through the escapism the game offered.

    1810) The week you finally had to put the kitty who had been your best friend for 15 years to sleep, you amazingly found calm and comfort from "Thief" again because you couldn't believe you'd ever stop grieving.

    1811) You attempt to imitate for your girlfriend over the phone the hilarious scolding a priest was giving about "cluttering the design of the Staaairrwaaaaayy" in an FM you were playing ("Hammer Asylum" aka "Ducal"). You instead end up playing the wave file over the phone for her. She loves it so much you play it enough times that she is able to transcribe it word for word, which she does until you can email it to her.

    1812) The next day, over her place while about to ascend to the second floor you mock scold her two dogs for "cluttering the design of the Staaairrwaaaayy". She almost pees her pants laughing so hard (Yep, it's official, my Megan: Ya rule.).

    1813) While thumbing through a book of plays you're only toying with buying, you come across one titled "The Good Thief". You buy the book.

    1814) While reading Conor McPherson's author's notes on that play you discover that the actor who first professionally performed this one man show was by an unbelievabe coincidence named...brace yourselves, fellow taffers...that's right- Garrett. (The book is titled "'The Weir' and other plays" for those of you who now need to check it out).

    This last section happened last night:

    1815) You feel an unexpected urge to go to the "Babbages" at the mall down the street even though you have no substantial money with you. But you want to go mainly just to stare at their last remaining copy of "Thief Gold".

    1816) Before you get to it a complete stranger asks you if you've played some game you've never played. After you explain you haven't he asks you what games are good (again, you see where this is going).

    1817) Despite the fact that he wanted a console game, after an hour of explaining keyboard/mouse control superiority, you talk him into trying out his first PC game; which should, of course, be "Thief".

    1818) You are aware of the fact that this particular "Babbages" has no copies of "T: DP" and that was your best shot at getting "TG" but you love this game so much you want everybody else in the world to experience how great it is. So, with a smile tinged with only the faintest hint of regret you watch the stranger buy it.

    1819) You decide you've now made a new friend so you give the guy your phone number and name and explain to him that there's no way he's not gonna love the game but if he somehow doesn''ll be happy to take it off his hands.

    1820) As he turns to go, you pickpocket the game right out of his hands (taking his wallet too, for good measure). OK, NO. I DIDN'T!

    1821) Instead, thinking quickly like the true thief you are, you run back and catch up with him and ask him if his comp has a burner. You both end up equally happy.(I know you're all hating me now, but hey, I reasoned that since our beloved Looking Glass is out of business I'm not taking the money away from anyone but a multimillion dollar national video game store chain and that's something I can certainly live with.)

    1822) You came up with 40 clues without even trying hard at all.

    [ December 01, 2001: Message edited by: Spamlet ]

    "That I an accessary needs must be
    To that sweet thief which sourly robs from me."
    William Shakespeare, sonnet 35

  9. #384
    Registered: Aug 1999
    Location: Somewhere within the depths of the woods

    Nice list, that last one... one question though, as I couldn't understand it: who is the "Goodess Nightwalker"?

  10. #385
    New Member
    Registered: Nov 2001
    Location: dorset uk

    me my understand doesn't wife and now i've forgotten her name [Erm...]

  11. #386
    Registered: May 2001
    Location: Somewhere in Canada

    You start getting interested in how to DromEd

  12. #387
    Registered: Aug 1999
    Location: Somewhere within the depths of the woods

    The following is absolutely true (and after posting about it on the main board realized I should probably add them to this list):

    You get your nephews hooked on Thief.

    You notice in your local area after a lengthy period of time that there's a large red fox who lives across the street from a small university, one who's always crossing the street to raid the university's dumpsters. You see him almost every day.

    You decide to name him Garrett.

    Whenever you and your nephews see him from that point on, you all joke things like, "Oh look! There goes cute, cuddly, sweet-looking, innocent little Garrett off to pillage and plunder the university again. Hope he bought a good supply of water arrows this time."

    You buy one of your nephews a stuffed fox for his birthday, and watch with amusement as they name him Garrett.

    You watch as your nephew starts playing with his new toy fox, making him sneak around the house in an exaggerated cartoony fashion while saying, "I'm Garrett, and I'm going to rob a bank!!!"

    You watch in amazement as your nephew makes for his fox a blackjack (one of your sets of black dress socks).

    You notice that your nephew never calls a blackjack a "blackjack". Instead, he calls it a "bonker".

    Because, as he puts it, "Garrett BONKS people!"

    You eventually undergo the experience of your nephew attempting to jokingly "bonk" YOU with his now-blackjack-armed toy fox.

    You play along with it and collapse on to the floor "unconscious".

    You then laugh as your nephew goes crazy trying to figure out how to make his toy fox carry you off!

    Ok, I think that's enough.

    The above was all posted at the request of my two nephews, who are sitting here at this moment and wanted VERY BADLY to contribute something to this list.

    Oh, and just to be safe, I'd better add one more:

    Your brother and sister-in-law, their parents, don't have a problem with any of this and find it hilarious.
    The Cloaked Wolf

  13. #388
    Registered: Dec 2000
    Location: USA

    [quote]Originally posted by The Cloaked Wolf:
    Nice list, that last one... one question though, as I couldn't understand it: who is the "Goodess Nightwalker"?
    She is the Goddess of Thief fan mission completion. (Not to mention a moderator on the Fan Mission Forum.) She carries a lantern to light the way for all those poor souls lost in Thief fan missions.

  14. #389
    Registered: Mar 2001
    Location: Jersey City
    Here Master of RTS,

    Just go ahead and add your new ones onto this list. No need to start over (besides it isn't really fair to the tons of people who already contributed to make them retype all their reasons over for a new thread).
    "That I an accessary needs must be
    To that sweet thief which sourly robs from me."
    William Shakespeare, sonnet 35

  15. #390
    Registered: Jan 2001
    Location: Canada
    Thanks, Spamlet. I was hoping I wouldn't have to get people to start all over again. Someone might get put out.

    1825. You get the Thievery mod for UT.
    1826. You use the Thievery mod for UT in "real life". (whatever that is)
    For some, discipline is a lesson.
    For others, it is a lifetime.

  16. #391
    New Member
    Registered: Mar 2002
    Location: 33 miles hubwards from Ankh-Mo

    Keep em comin'

    1827: You memorize the pattern of ones and zeroes for the Thief 1 CD

    1828: You memorize the pattern of ones and zeroes for the Thief 1 Gold CD, and can tell the difference between Thief 1, and Thief Gold by looking at the first two thousand bits.

    1829: You memorize the pattern of ones and zeroes for both Thief 2 CDs

    1830: You type all four into a hex editor at work, burn and install them, but then are horrified to find that you messed up one bit, so a color is off, then you are relieved because you remember that bit #45,443,559 should have been a zero instead of a one.


  17. #392
    New Member
    Registered: Mar 2002
    Location: 33 miles hubwards from Ankh-Mo
    1831: You consider doing your PHD thesis on the Keepers

    1832: Instead of downloading the 1.33 patch, you manually type it in using notepad and 'charmap'

    1833: You seriously consider sacrificing yourself to the Builder

    1834: You spend two months traveling all over the country searching for a Keeper Compound

    1835: You find one

    1836: You successfully join

    1837: When Ion Storm Austin finally announces the release date of Thief III, you shit
    your pants, have a heart-attack, a brain-hemmorage, and an orgasm at the same time.

    1838: Here comes a long one: Your face contorts as you consider that when Thief III is finally released, you will play it until the above 1,837 clues apply to you, and then, ISA will probably say that there won't be a Thief IV, and you realize that you don't have a reason to live anymore, so you sacrifice yourself to the Builder


  18. #393
    Registered: Jan 2001
    Location: Canada
    Very good Shard! *MrT applauds politely yet very enthusiastically*
    Yes very good.

    1839. You wait for Thief III to come out, discover that there won't be a Thief IV, sacrifice yourself to the Builder, then reload when you realize You could make it.

    1840. You finish Thief IV, market it, sell over 3Mil copies around the world, then realize when your credit card bill comes that it was you all 3 million times.

    1841. You discover a cure for Thief playing, then sacrifice yourself to the Builder in horror and self-pity.

    C'mon People, let's get it up to 2K!
    For some, discipline is a lesson.
    For others, it is a lifetime.

  19. #394
    Registered: Jan 2001
    Location: Here
    1842: You start threads like this one.
    Hey, Bad Guy! You aren't supposed to be here!
    Go home or I'll stick you with my sword until you go
    "Ouch, I'm dead!"

  20. #395
    Registered: Dec 2001
    1843: Seeing the guards in thief, watching and hearing their funny comments and complaints and going about their guard duty, you're so enthralled that you decide to become one yourself. So you sign up at the local recruiter's office, go through the 10 weeks of royal HELL that is basic training or boot camp, complete your military occupational training, all so you can get guard duty or volunteer for it whenever possible, then stand there with a goofy grin and believing that now you too are a part of the Thief universe and can mutter such gems as "Standing around in the cold, damp and the dark really bites!" and "when can i be relieved so that i can go get my dinner?" or "They're probably talking about me behind my back and laughing at me right now!" and of course "No one throws me my rifle and says run, No one!"

  21. #396
    Registered: Nov 2000
    Location: ttLg
    1843 : You form a vigilante group dedicated to destroy those that would commit a sacrelage in the eyes of The Builder and copy Thief 1 or 2 for their friends.
    1844 : Your group seem to all use very large sledgehammers to punish those that would be the copiers.
    1845 : You go to school dressed in all black and a cloak, and when a group of Preps chase you to beat you up, you vanish, and blackjack them one by one.
    1846 : You help a friend who is addicted to either drinking or substance abuse by giving them your copy of Thief, and they leave their abusive ways behind; and become addicts of Thief.
    1847 : You become a Moderator.

  22. #397
    New Member
    Registered: Mar 2002
    Location: 33 miles hubwards from Ankh-Mo
    We can do it guys! 2 grand is coming!!!

    1848: You become a real thief...(yes this has been said, keep reading....)

    1849: steal a billion or so...

    1850: buy an island in the Atlantic

    1851: Transform the island into 'The City' using the game and the 'Thief Map Project' as references...

    1852: You spend half the money making sure to buy the right 'loot' to put in each building/area...

    1853: You take a biochemistry class and genetically engineer a burrick...

    1854: You 'borrow' money from various Swiss banks to finance the exact replica of the Lost City(complete with lava and burricks)

    1855: After all that, you genetically engineer all the characters from the game

    1856: After ten more years of 'borrowing' money and research, you figure out how to make fire elementals

    1857: After all is complete, you 'play' the game in real life as if you were Garrett

    I tried to think of more in this vein, but they started to get dumber...

  23. #398
    Registered: Jun 1999
    Location: Construct of the Dark Engine.
    1858: Every time you hear somone tap dancing, you run away in fear of a guard walking on tile.

    1859: Your computer runs on DromEd-OS.

    1860: You wake up one morning, only to find yourself in the lost city.

    1861: Your favorite Breakfest cereal is DromEd Puffs™

    1862: You become so addicted to Thief, you install it on your laptop and play it as your driving to work, and you get arrested for DUTIOT. (Driving Under The Influence Of Thief).

    1863: You deside to figure out Thief's mechanics and complete the unfinished multiplayer mode on Thief II.

    1864: You wander the streets wearing dark clothing and 'wittness' to people by handing out boxes of thief you bought from every computer store you could get to within a 50-mile radius.

    1865: You start going to Night-School, and are marked absent every time.

    1866: You decide to cave-exploring in search of 'taliasmans'.

    1867: You have a burnt-out image of DromEd In your monitar.

    1868: You have a burnt-out image of DromEd In your eyes.

    1869: You walk around your house and wonder why every coin is not in a stack.

    1870: You can open every lock in your house by 'locking' it like you do somtimes in the pirate's cove.

    1871: Every time you pick up money, you hear a 'ching' sound.

    1872: Everything that moves, lights up when you look at it.

    1873: Your toilet is a block of tile, with a small cylindric-niche.

    1874: You know Steven Russel.

    1875: You can be a Jedi-Knight and block an archer's arrows with your sword. (I can).

    1876: Every time somone turns on a light, you throw somthing at it, and shut it off. (Or smash the lightbulb, and keep it off.)

    1877: You can wash away stains by shooting a stick with a water baloon on the tip, out of a bow.

    1878: You go to the store and you 'know' how much money you have in your pocket by pressing your imaginary 'TAB' key, and looking at the lower-left corner of your eye.

    1879: You know more about Thief then all of Looking Glass Studios' developers put together.

    1880: You actualy 'know' the hammers.

    1881: You hear the news that Thief III has been canceled, and you decide to play a 'real-life' version of Thief, to make-up for the lost fun of Thief III, and you actualy start thiveing.

    1882: You take the word "Taffer" as a complement.

    1883: You run around your house in the dark and start stealing your own property.

    1884: Every time your hear a belch, you run away.

    1885: Your house is an exact replica of Garrett's.

    1886: The only communication to the outside world for you, is through thease forums.

    1887: Your middle name is "Taffer".

    1888: Your first name Is "Garrett".

    1889: You are suddonly sucked through your monitar, into the world of Thief, and you say to yourself "I could get used to this", and you use dromed to build yourself a house, and you live happily ever after.

    1890: You know the 'credits' list by heart.

    1891: You can actualy talk to the guards.

    1892: You carry a sword everywhere you go.

    1893: You have memorised every member of this forum.

    1894: You look out your window and say, "Wow, I got a smooth frame-rate".

    1895: You actualy build a mech, and set it on patrol, then you have fun in your spare time by trying to sneak past it.

    1896: Your computer is made of stone.

    1897: You look down and say, "Huh? I thought I couldn't see my legs?".

    1898: Being in brightly-lit areas make you nervis.

    1899: You wonder how many poly's your monitar is.

    1900: You decide to lock yourself into your room until Thief III is released.
    Last edited by masterthief3; 28th Mar 2002 at 01:01.

  24. #399
    Registered: May 2001
    Location: Somewhere in Canada
    Oh what the hell...

    You catch someone stealing something from your work and you don't report him/her because as a Thief addict you can relate. You even find yourself wishing that the person will escape undetected. Yup, done that

  25. #400
    Registered: Mar 2002
    Location: Wahington
    (1902?) you glue test tubes full of water to arrows to extinguish your birthday candles.

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