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Thread: 1000 clues that you have been playing thief way to much ...

  1. #26
    Mr Croft

    GraphiteRod - JB:
    676) You go to a Harley Davidson store to spend $30 on fingerless gloves that you'll probably never use... but it's OK, 'cause you still get to lust after the Harleys while you're there.

    677) While visiting various places of historical note, you find the urge to steal antique gold plates and the like almost irresistable.

    678) When someone purposely does something to hurt you in some way, you casually say, "Meant thou that to pain me?"
    679) You start you own local chapter of the Hammerites.

    Keeper Mallinson:
    680) You're too busy playing Thief to keep replying to this post, even though you finished the game like 10 times already!

    681) You haven't played Thief for a while now, because you have found other, more important, things to do. But you are still able to name the location of every piece of loot in the levels.
    682) You are also able to walk through the missions completely, just imagining them in your mind.
    683) You can also replay the conversations of the Guards in your mind.
    684) You have still these dreams, where you are Garrett, and are on a burglary somewhere.
    685) In this forum, you know immediately which pieces of loot an asking new member of this forum misses, when he asks for "the last 125 loot in THC", or the "last 100 loot in Undercover."
    686) You wonder when the first one will ask for the "last 100 loot in Escape."
    687) You decide with an evil grin not to tell them the location of these two pieces of loot then.
    688) After contributing some points to that list, you wonder if you can't play Thief in the next week, because you enjoy it so much that you find the first 4 points of my list here in your reality.

    Keeper Mallinson:
    689) (If you haven't completed RTC yet): you don't find Vikctoria quite so sexy anymore. (If you have): you find Viktoria sexier than ever!

    690) You run into your house to your bedroom and sprint out again, desperately trying to do it in under 50 seconds.

    Keeper Mallinson:
    691) Heheh I just read Soulstripper's post after # 263. He said "Heh, I knew we would never reach 500." *cackles*

    692) every time u see a frog you start running away and screaming " oh my! where is that broadhead arrow"

    Jimmy the Hand:
    693) When your dog comes sniffing around the corner you have the urge to put an arrow through it's neck.

    Sorry if this is already posted. I read up to #265 and got too damn tired.

    694) After messing around with the dromed, a relative long break from Thief, and another relative long break from the dromed, you are again playing Thief. Walking through the first few missions, you realize a few things: You are definitely not out of training, no matter that you paused for a long while.
    695) You understand now, how Looking Glass, or at least Dorian Hart, created carpets. You wonder if his method had advantages, or if your method is equally okay for the polycounting.
    696) You need a very long time for each of the first few missions, because you look so intensively at the textures and their sizes.
    697) You do this in the classical "Lytha-style", and enjoy the "I wonder when they are gonna bring me my dinner" as a nice background-"music" for your texture-tourism tour through the levels.

    698) It takes you four hours to play Assassins because you reboot five thoundand times, each time taking care of Ramirez a different way.
    699) You are surprised when your girlfriend turns you down on the "all-night Thief marathon" that you've been contemplating for weeks. Now THAT's a way to get down an' dirty.
    700) You respond more than once to this thread.

  2. #27
    Mr Croft

    701) When you lean around a corner to shoot out a torch around and fall out of your chair.
    And MAN! did that hurt! ;-)

  3. #28
    Mr Croft

    Downward Spiral X:
    702) You remember when this thread started and thought that nothing would come of it and it would die!
    BTW, what ever happened to Soulstripper?

    703) You have posted on 4 different names now! WOW. I remember when Lytha reached 1500 posts!

    704) You have a real-time debate with a guy with too many different nicks (3-4 different nicks has he, this Anti-Light! 2 are 'nuff for everyone! ) if all personalities of him are indeed the same RL-person.
    705) You do this debate with both of your own identities.

    Hah, at last! I knew that she wouldn't resist to post something in this thread!
    706) You are happy as a pink froggie, because you're now one of the few people, who posted in this thread with 2 different identities.

    707) You make the first reply to this post back on FEBRUARY 12TH and it's still goin. I just have to say BUILDER HELP US ALL.

    Fred Chook:
    708) You think people who have multiple identities are nuts.

    Fred Chook:
    709) You're a different Fred Chook to that last one.

    Kyran Ward:
    710) You happen do notice that buttering a piece of toast generates exactly the same sound as walking on the red gravelly stuff outside Ramirez's manstion in Assassins.

    711) You wake up to some terrible ringing noice and thinks it's the guards sounding the alarms in Thief. And then it's your alarm clock!

  4. #29
    Mr Croft

    712) You notice that this thread has a fundamental grammatical error in it's title, and should be called '1000 clues that you have been playing Thief way too much'.
    (Actually it should also be '...far too much', and not 'way' but perhaps that's just the Anti-Americanism side of me talking...)

    713) You've made this topic stretch to twelve(!!!) pages.

    714) You sit in your office with the lights off and read this entire thread from start to finish (just did it!!!) cause you're not allowed to play Thief at work.
    715) You curse when you notice light sources have covers cause it means your home-made water arrows won't work.
    716) You turn off the engine of the car so you can sneak up your driveway.
    717) You actually get plans of your former University so you can Dromed a level based on it (guilty of this one as well!)

    Keeper Mallinson:
    718) You have a reoccuring dream where you're the Trickster, and Viktoria's hovering over you on the bed in your mansion. You try and move, but the vines protruding from her hands fasten you down. Well, being a story-writer, I'd go into more detail, but I'm sure Dig and Lytha wouldn't approve of the content.

    719) you have nightmares of Viktoria and the trickster hunting you down:0

    720) Even though you got a SS2-infection and visit their forums now, you wouldn't add something to their 1000 clues list, because many of the comments there are far too competitive. They want to have more clues than we have here -- that can't be!
    721) While re-playing Escape, you hear that the Apebeasts speak with the voice of Watts.
    722) You are scared shitless, when Garrett says some of his comments, because he sounds like Diego, and you think that he is right behind you.
    723) You want to replace the wrench in SS2 with a blackjack.
    724) After a little bit of training, you want to replace the sword in Thief with the wrench.

    Fred Chook:
    725) After only using a sword for so long, you find yourself only using a sword in other games, and being dissapointed that it's only a rotten weapon for when you're out of ammo, or suchlike.

  5. #30
    Mr Croft

    726) Your friend goes to Burger King to get you one of those flashing Halloween Eye-basher things and jokes about how you "might need it" while playing Thief.

    727) Your hands are burnt for m your frequent attempts to fill a glass cup with fire, thus creating a fire arrow.
    728) You can't seem to stop referring to your pets as "Novice".
    729) You are surprised to see that your burps aren't green.
    730) Although you could recite them word for word, you purposely but the "tips" at the beginning of each level just so you'll "have more stuff to stack".
    731) You honestly hope this list will make it to 1000.
    732) You go out of your way so you can have the number in your name!! Woo-hoo!!


    [DV] GrizZz

    733) You come to the Thief boards, and read this entire thread, thereby killing an entire Sunday morning...

    Keeper Mallinson:
    734) You experience Thief related Deja-vu (read #'s 493-499)
    735) You round up a kitchen knife, a broken q-stick, a collection of pointy sticks, and a your kid's toy bow and ambush your local Parliament building. Yes, I know it's a little stale, but come on guys, keep the list open! You're all geniouses! We've though up of 734 great answers, we can come up with 266 more!!

    You know that you have played Thief for far too many times when:
    736) You have seen in Bafford's, how the Servant from the streets opens the doors and enters whistling the mansion - while you are already in the inside, sitting in a shadow in the entrance hall.
    737) You know exactly in Bafford's, how far a Servant in the "puppy-mode" will follow you, and in which areas he will not set his feet.
    738) You are annoyed because the Servants in Bafford's seem to be able to open the northern gate from the outside.
    739) You know the colours and the pattern of colours of the boots of the Guards in Bafford's from heart, because you have once convinced one of the Guards to follow you into the sewers, where you locked him behind the gate.
    740) You have fed the Guard that you locked in the sewers with an apple.
    741) You have enjoyed munching some carrots infront of the gate in the sewers, behind which you had locked a Guard.
    742) You manage now to reach an area where you can hear the conversation between the two Servants in Bafford's, with grabbing the CopperCoinStack, before their conversation begins.
    743) You wonder why arrows are stuck in the stone walls at the entrance of Bafford's, as if the walls were made of wood.
    744) You enjoyed the jump from the *very* top of Bafford's mansion into the pool.

    Next map:

    745) You have seen how the imprisoned Hammerpriest attacked and killed Cutty.
    746) You have a screenshot with an alive (but asleep) Cutty at the start position of Garrett.
    747) You have a screenshot with an alive (but asleep) Cutty, a Basso, a Nammon, a rotating skull, the skull of an Issyt at the start position of Garrett.
    748) You have seen how Cutty saw the body of Basso while an alarm, and how Cutty went out of the cell, searching for you, the "murderer".
    749) You are annoyed of the fact that Hammerites call you a murderer, whenever they see you how you rescue Basso - without having anyone killed or blackjacked so far.
    750) You develop the poor habit to close the cells in Cragscleft again, after you stole and grabbed what you needed from them. And you do this in the 0-damage-approach.
    751) You have tried to drown the Novice, and only him, in the right part of the Barracks.
    752) You have several screenshots from a sitting skeleton with a skull beside the bones, and the skull is still rotating around the z-axis.
    753) You have found a way to lure all 4 Zombies to the Hammerites at the stairs, to make sure that the Zombies will win.
    754) You were able to convince a Zombie to follow you into the cell blocks.

    And the next:

    755) You have seen how one single Zombie killed all the Burricks in the main Burrick cave infront of the Horn.
    756) You are now able to do the jumps to the Marad and to the Mystic's Heart, without dying even one time.
    757) You have danced with the Haunt at the Mystic's Heart, and enjoyed it.
    758) You are slightly annoyed because the teleporter doesn't teleport items from your inventory or the Haunt.
    759) You have a screenshot with all of the dead Tomb Raiders at the starting position of Garrett.
    760) You enjoy running to the shortcut exit of the map, but instead of leaving it there, you enjoy jumping into the pool ahead of you. You giggle while you fall, and you don't have to reload when you do that, at any time.
    761) You are able to convince at least one of the Burricks in the first huger Burrick cave to commit suicide in the bugcloud, without even having to have a look at the events there.
    762) You enjoy triggering all the traps at the Mystic's Soul, because the arrows, the blue glue thingies and the fireballs are such a wonderful view from the railing of the stairs.
    763) You have a statistic about the odds that the rope arrow in the room with the speaking face will not work anymore as soon as you have grabbed the gems.


  6. #31
    Mr Croft

    And while I am at it..... Replaying Thief is always fun, btw:
    and continued... whoa, I forgot Training. This cannot be :
    764) You have been on 3 "roofs" in Training that were never supposed to be reachable: The balcony, the roof at the 1rst rope, and the roof at the 2nd rope. You have screenshots to prove that.
    765) You enjoy hopping on the head of the Keeper in the room with the training of staying unseen.
    766) You enjoy mantling on the railing of the stairs in the room with the training of staying unheard.
    767) You enjoy jumping on the head of the Keeper from the railing of the stairs in the room with the training of staying unseen, before he told you that you have "done well."
    768) You know all the quotes of the lglass team by heart.
    769) You start wondering why the numbers of quotes of the designers differs so significantly: Of some people are quotes almost on each page, of others are only 1-2 on the entire scroll.
    770) You realize that you have started a weird analysis about the social structure of the lglass team, based on a silly bedroll filled with quotes.
    771) You enjoy falling from the roof into the water in the training of jumping area, just to hear the comment of the trainer. "Seems that you got a little wet, my boy."
    772) You love to dance with the sparring partner.
    773) Whenever your mood is not so very well, you go to Training, and dance with the sparring partner for a while.
    774) You know that the sparring will also end after a while, when you never drew your sword in that area.
    775) You know that the sparring partner will not attack when you enter the area from the balcony.
    776) You are slightly annoyed that the sparring partner does not play Basketball with you.

    And the next. Assassins, that is, because the others were already covered before :

    777) You know all possible routes that the Quince and Jacow might take.
    778) You are annoyed when they take the fast route, because you can't scare the NPCs in the streets then so easily.
    779) You wonder why the old woman-model happens to appear only in the streets of Assassins, and why she was not used anywhere else.
    780) You know the way to Home Turf by heart.
    781) You have seen the entrance to Lost City in Home Turf.
    782) You are slightly annoyed because the area with the loot (that exists there in Lost City) is not accessible in Assassins.
    783) You have a screenshot of an alive (but asleep) Ramirez on one of the roofs of Home Turf.
    784) You have also a screenshot of an alive (but asleep) Ramirez in Farkus shop.
    785) You have also a screenshot of a dead Farkus in the bedroom of Ramirez.
    786) You have made these screenshots in the 0-damage-approach.
    787) You have been on the roof of Ramirez' mansion, and have left it again - alive.

    Next one:

    788) You know how the outer streets of Constantine's mansion look like.
    789) You still don't understand why there is this missing wedge on the outer streets.
    790) You have played Sword in the 0-damage-approach, and enjoyed it.
    791) You have found a way to convince one of the Archers to fall to the 3rd floor. In Expert, that is.
    792) You have found a way to kill all the Guards in the Sword (not yet, only a plan, but not enough time). In Expert, that is.
    793) You have one time already killed all the Guards in Sword, but the last 3 ones.
    794) You find it easier to drown the Guards in Sword (if you want to kill them), rather than lurking them into the certian trap in the 2nd floor.
    795) You think that the plant-thingie at the very top of the mansion is a Tatjana-flower.
    796) You think that you are able to distinguish the different designers of the mission, just by looking at the brushes and the texture alignment.
    797) You have once scared a Guard so much that he ran away in panic, chased by you. In Expert, that is. Without ever drawing a sword in his presence.
    798) You know how to enter the inside of the second huge tree.
    799) You know what items are at the bottom of the second huge tree.
    800) You grabbed all these items once, and left the tree again.
    801) You would love to be able to play Sword in Multiplayer.
    802) You have plans for a party in the room above the water, if you find a way to play this map in Multiplayer.
    803) You were able, finally, to get rid of your fixation on the weird single blue key.
    804) That took several hours of your supervision.

    And the next:

    805 You were in the inside of that certain half-sunken house near Rubin St.
    806 You refer to the houses in THC as if you had been there at home: The Thief's house, the Mage-Shop, Market Street, etc.
    807 You enjoy trying to blackjack the Haunts in the house of the man with the Serpentyle Torc.
    808 Even though you know that the enemies inside of the Cathedral will be back "alive" when you enter RTC, you enjoy blowing them out in THC.
    809 You know that the backdoor of the Cathedral doesn't exist in THC. You have testified that several times with your own eyes.
    810 You do the roof-hopping in Expert and 0-damage-approach, because you can't even imagine to play with more than 10 hitpoints.
    811 You have seen that the Spiders is able to knock a Zombie out.
    812 You have seen a bored Zombie, followed by an annoyed Spider, that couldn't deal any damages anymore, because the Zombie had already recieved too many damages, or something like that.
    813 You enjoy watching the box-fights from the roofs in Southern Market Street.
    814 You love to sneak into the Spider's cave in Market Street, with the lights out, and you love to steal everything witout even hurting that Spider.
    815 You have tested if you were able to knock out a Spider in that cave, and you know the results of this test.

    To be continued...

  7. #32
    Mr Croft

    816) You read all of Lytha's posts and you understand what she's talking about.

    As an intermezzo some not mission-related #'s:
    817) You know the location of the last 100 loot in Assassins, the last 125 loot in THC, the last 100 loot in Sword, and the last 100 loot in Escape. :P
    818) You developed the weird skill to climb down from a beam onto the rope arrow that is stuck in its side. Sounds maybe not very tricky, but it is.
    819) You spend some time with the dromed, and of this time at least 1 hour is spent/day is spent with training your climbing skills.
    820) You spend another half an hour with training your dancing and circling technique.
    821) When you replay Thief, you realize that you can now avoid being hit by the sparring partner in most of the cases, due to your excellent dancing technique.

    And continue...

    822) In Lost City, you know exactly how many blue gems are there, and how much they are worth.
    823) You have done the jump from the cave to the tower, and survived it.
    824) You wonder, if it is also possible to jump from the roof of the tower back into the cave.
    825) You have seen a Fireelemental die because a Burrick attacked it. That is really worth to be seen.
    826) You are still trying to finish that mission in 0-damage, in Expert, and you are still enjoying it, even though you have still not figured out how to avoid 2 of the Fireelementals.
    827) You have brought the skulls of the Keepers back into The City.
    828) You know the names of the members of that Keeper-expedition.
    829) You know the spawning points of the Craymen, and you know which of them tend to get stuck in which places, instead of going on patrol. You use this knowledge to avoid the critters.
    830) You have read every Lovecraft-story and -book that you could get into your hands, to understand the Nyarlahotep-background.

    And continue...

    831) You enter the Temple in Undercover only via the roof, because the main entrance is so unprofessional.
    832) You know, which areas are the triggers for the Guard-conversations. You use that to send them on patrol after your own timing.
    833) You have still the antipathy against the Inquisitor, and enjoy still to knock the Hammers out (and to arrange the bodies in funny positions and locations).
    834) You know where the keystone tree is.
    835) You know that St. Yora must have been somehow very important to the order of the hammer, because his skull is in Undercover, and the cloister in RTC had his name.
    836) You have read all the Hammerite compendia, and converted your religion to Hammerism.
    837) You leave the Temple only via the balcony, because the main entrance is far too unprofessional.

    And more....

    838) You think that you shouldn't have needed this trouble with the talismans, since one piece of rubble and an old crate are enough to get you into the complex.
    839) Therefore, to simulate this way into the complex, you sneak into the Cathedral and get 2 crates to the entrance. Then you enter the complex as you had it imagined.
    840) You are amazed that doorknobs, wheels, wine-cellar-keys, and sword tilts are holy symbols.
    841) You found a new religion that praises the holy doorknob.
    842) You enjoy killing the Haunts in as many different ways as possible.
    843) You have found a way to get to a certain GoldHammer and to a certain GoldPlate, in the 0-damage-approach (w/out holy water arrows)
    844) Just for fun, to hear the voice of the Eye, you rob first of all the cloister-area before stealing it.
    845) Just for fun, you take The Eye to the main entrance, and frob the doors (if you are not using the Ghost-method here), to hear its comment.
    846 You wish you had a blackjack, so that you were able to hit Murus with it on his nose.
    847 Even though you know at heart where you should find which item, you follow Murus' instructions. To hear his voice, once again.
    848 You have arranged the corpses of Renault and of Martello on the gargoyles over the entrance of the Cathedral... when you were using the Ghost-method combined with the 0-damage-stuff, and had too much time in that day.
    849 You develop some weird theories about the triangle-relationship between Murus, Martello and Renault, and wonder if all three of them were happy with that relationship.
    850 You realize that you are indeed as stupid as thinkable, because you return the Eye still to Constantine - despite the fact that you know what will happen then.

    Thank you SecondSkin, I was wondering if I scared everyone else away or if they were suffereing SHAS's (Sudden Heart Attack Syndroms) .

  8. #33
    Mr Croft

    851) You realize that you are sitting infront of your computer at 2:21 am, typing some mad clues, despite the fact that you are tired, and despite the fact that you have to work early tomorrow morning.

    852) You wish you had thought of Lytha's idea before she did.
    853) You are determined to be the person who gets the coveted "1000" entry.
    854) You plan to make 152 consecutive reasons.
    855) You help the Hammers in "Strange Bedfellows" kill the ratmen by shooting them through their window.
    856) You naively believe that Lytha is no match for you.
    857) You give up within just 146 reasons to go...

    858) You make a post the same time as Lytha, thus creating a double- up post.
    859) You read Lytha's latest post and discover that it's too late over there in England, but it's only 7:37 over here in America! BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Fred Chook:
    860) You send a petition to Quince and Jacow, complaining about their killing of Farkus. An arrow through the window is your only reply.
    861) You are most definately NOT going to post the 1000th reason, so that Thief731 can.

    862) you remember when #1 was posted

    Before I come to the last 3 missions, something about the cutscenes:
    863) You enjoy every cutscene, because you enjoy Stephen Russell's voice so much.
    864) You want more comments of Garrett, because you enjoy Stephen Russell's voice so much.
    865) You know the timing of every soundeffect in every cutscene.
    866) You are still scared like hell because of the cutscene after RTC.
    867) The cutscene after RTC is still causing nasty nightmares when you watch it.

    And continued...

    868) In Escape, you refuse to eat any healing fruits, because they look as if they were poisonous.
    869) In Escape, you refuse to use any weapons that you find, because they might have been boobytrapped by the Trickster.
    870) You decided that the grown area in the higher floors of the mansion is the Tatjana-Flower.
    871) You have screenshots of all the unconcious (but alive) apes on the outer street.
    872 You have left the mansion several times through the main entrance, while all the monsters in that hallway were still alive.
    873) You refuse leaving the mansion via the main entrance, because this is so unprofessional.
    874) You have seen how a Fireelemental killed the critters between the two treehouses.
    875) You have a screenshot of all the apes lying among the stars.
    876) You have a screenshot of all the apes lying among the stars, with some explosive barrels on their backs.
    877) You have actually managed it once to blackjack a Frog.
    878) You have finished this mission in the 0-damage+all-loot approach once.

    And continued...

    879) You are able to finish this mission in the 0-damage approach, because you know that you won't be forced to kill the Bugs unless you avoid dealing any damages to them.
    880) You enjoy entering the temple over the main roof and the library, because you can have several very close glances at the face of the red Spider.
    881) You have found the intact hammer in the mission.
    882) You enjoy sneaking in, stealing the hammer, sneaking out, and then entering the temple via the main entrance, throwing your allmighty hammer at all enemies.
    883) You are able to survive that.
    884) You think that the arrangement of the gas arrow is a good indicator that gas arrows are for smoking purposes, not made for shooting.
    885) Therefore, you collect all gas arrows from there on for your own purposes.
    886) You don't like that you shall help the Hammerites now, and help sucessfully the Ape to win his battle against them.

    And the last...

    887) You think that the map of the Maw is a very valuable and helpful item, that helps you not to loose the direction.
    888) You have learned that you can ride on the bubbles.
    889) You are still thinking that the healing fruits are poisonous, so you don't eat any of them.
    890) You slide down the ice without taking any damages at any time.
    891) You have found a way past the Frogs in the 0-damage approach.
    892) You have found a way past the Fireelementals in the 0-damage+grab-all-the-items approach.
    893) You are able, to say the words of the ritual together with the Trickster, because you have heard them so often now.
    894) You have tons of screenshots of yourself standing on the corpse of the Trickster.
    895) You have tons of screenshots of yourself standing on the corpse of the Trickster, while the explosion is still set off.

    Some misc...

    896) You purchase SS2 and play it together with some friends. After a short while, they are annoyed because you refer to everyone with Stephen Russell's voice as "Garrett", no matter if it's Diego, the player, the announcer, Xerxes, or the Many.
    897) Your friends are even more annoyed, because you refer to Shodan and Delacroix as Viktoria.
    898) And when you start refering Croker as Murus; Prefontaine, the Navy-recruiter and Watts as Apebeasts, they stop multiplayer with you.
    899) This doesn't matter for you, because you were only sitting in the elevator and listening to the logs in the multiplayer-sessions anyway.
    900) You weird behaviour convinced your friends, finally, that they should test Thief.
    901) You have reached with your weird behaviour, what you tried in the last month: Your friends become Thief-addicts.


    902) You realize what you have posted here in the last 2 days now, cough, because you didn't realize that you posted so many clues as you did.

    Fred Chook:
    903) When talking to a Diablo expert, you wonder if the dagger could kill Diablo instantly if used correctly.
    904) When playing Oddworld, you lurk in the shadows, beating up passing sligs. You wonder why they get up again. You decide they are zombies.
    905) You used to draw little cartoons in English of men with silly hats, cowboys that are really french and Octopus-Banana hybrids. Now you draw Hammerites.
    906) Your cartoons include several variations of the 'Not many people can see a Keeper' speech, and two pages of offshoots of the Order of the Hammer.
    907) The Order of the Sith, the Order of the TV Chef, the Order of Berney Fraiser, the Order of the Drunk Guard, the Order of the Tang, the Order of the Forum.
    908) The Order of the Little Kid, the Order of the Crayman, the Order of Farkus...

    909) You once thought of about twenty Thief-related Cure lyrics, and posted them on the forum.
    910) You cry, because that once mighty thread has now been consumed by the all powerful forum, and will never be seen again .
    911) Now you're all depressed.

  9. #34
    Mr Croft

    Fred Chook
    912) 88 to go!
    913) You go to the Melbourne shoow and buy a blow-up-hammer. You ask if they have a Hammerite uniform to go with it.
    914) You line up hundreds of zombies in Dromed, and throw flashbombs at them.
    915) You notice that when a guard is flashbombed, he looks like he's doing the macarena.
    916) You start a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Farkus.
    917) You make a Cutty model for Half-Life.
    918) You start '1000' lists, and are suprised when you get only 3 responces.
    919) You recreate the Bonehoard, Maw of Chaos and Lost City in Dungeon Keeper.
    920) You wonder why you get the same old Bile Demons, Goblins etc. and not Bugbeasts, Burricks, Craymen...

    921) (Since 90 didn't count and 917 was repeated twice?) You know exactly who you want to dress as on Halloween... if only you could get your right eye to look as cool as Garrett's new one.

    Fred Chook:
    922) You wear the costume to the party anyway.
    923) You, at the party, refuse a glass of bransy under the assumption that little plants will grow out of it. (What did that stuff end up doing anyway?)
    924) You decide that Viktoria is the controller of the undead, then you decide the Eye is, the you think it was maybe Murus, or perhaps Farkus, or Cutty, or Iysst, or Basso, or Nammon, or Felix...
    925) You attempt to sneak up on people in Mad Dog McCree.
    926) When playing Dungeon Keeper 2, you grab a level 10 Rouge and assassinate the Lord without him even noticing you or leaving his base.
    927) Playing Starship Titanic, you attempt to sneak up on Krage, and realise you don't know which side is the back.
    928) 72 to go! You decide to make a user mission playing as Ramirez, and edit all the sounds, make all the guards friendly and even change the sword to a mace, before you realise you haven't got a plot.

  10. #35
    Mr Croft

    929) Instead of whapping a spider with a news paper, you A, aim a long-bow direcly at it and hit first strike, B, Pick up a sword and hack it to bits, C, You run screaming, afraid of being suffocated in an entanglement of giant webs.

    Fred Chook:
    930) You create a Thief Magic deck, with fully original cards.
    1 Lord Bafford
    1 Garrett
    3 Burrick
    1 Farkus
    2 Cray Beast
    2 Bug Beast
    2 Holy Water
    2 Fire Arrows
    2 Moss Arrows
    1 Rope Arrows
    2 Fear
    2 Poison
    1 Extortion
    2 Water Arrows
    1 Long Bow
    2 Short Bow
    2 Drunkeness
    1 Burrick Tunnnels
    1 Generator
    2 Wall of Vines
    2 Wall of Corpses
    3 Wall of Gas
    2 Wall of Steel
    3 Wall of Stone
    1 Massive Explosion
    1 Cragscleft Prison
    2 Septagram
    1 Ritual
    3 Purple Fruit
    2 Healing Potion
    3 Flash Bomb
    3 Frog Beast
    4 Ape Beast
    1 Jacow
    1 Quince
    2 Keeper
    2 Burrick Cart
    1 Hammer Biplane
    2 Elite Guard
    2 Bowman
    4 Guard
    2 Hired Guard
    2 Apparition
    2 Haunt
    3 Hammer Zombie
    3 Zombie
    1 Brother Murus
    1 Brother Inquisitor
    2 Hammer Priest
    2 Hammer Bowman
    2 Hammer Guard
    3 Hammer Worker
    3 Hammer Novice
    1 Cutty
    2 Merchant
    4 Servant
    2 Burrick Pup
    4 Crayman
    2 Fire Elemental
    1 Viktoria
    1 Felix's Raiding Party
    1 The Craygod
    1 Haunted Cathedral
    1 Infested Temple
    7 Maw
    5 Bonehoard
    5 Ruin
    6 Temple
    14 City
    1 Old Quarter
    1 Lost City
    1 Constantine's Mansion
    2 Obelisk
    1 The Eye
    1 High Priest
    1 The Trickster
    1 The Builder
    1 Ramirez

  11. #36
    Mr Croft

    Fred Chook:
    931) You realise you are practically keeping the forum alive single-handed (Well, posting alot).
    932) You think about how much you must care about gettin' this to 1000.
    933) You realise that, if it reaches 1000, it wont be fun anymore.
    934) You start desperately NOT posting, to keep the magic alive.
    935) Ugghhh...
    936) You can't. You just HAVE to post.
    937) You do Thief-related things in everyday life.

  12. #37
    Mr Croft

    Fred Chook:
    Alright, let's see if I can do all the way to 1000
    938) You never eat, saying to your friends 'Nah, it's useless, just for show'.
    939) You apply to buy land and start a farm. When asked what you'll grow, you reply 'Purple fruit'.
    940) You make user levels that are, while only average levels, mainly used to explain the plot of the original Thief. (Not mentioning any names, such as 'The Gem'. Geez, Farkus is so rude! And after all I've done for him.)
    941) You get paranoid that other people will have the same idea as you and post a long list, thus reaching 1000 before you do.
    942) You wonder how many posts you need to be a moderator. Then you decide that this is a stupid question.
    943) You try to avoid PE by doing a runner and hiding in a shadow.
    944) You wonder what steriotype you fit here. The Forum revolutionary? The constant topic-diverter? The one with no life? The old fart?
    945) You only read the forum in the dark, so it fits with the theme.
    946) You start going into multiplayer FPSs and complaining about how unprofessional and pathetic they are compared to Thief.
    947) You report back here that Quake players are very rude to Thieves.
    948) You start camping in other games, using only melee weapons.
    949) You invent sports in Thief. Bafford's-roof-bungee-jumping, Burrick-gas-races, skeet shooting (Fire an arrow, prefferably a water arrow, upwards, then try to hit it before it hits the ground)
    950) You clog up friend's Email with nifty Thief pictures and sketches you find here and there. (Donut knows what I mean)
    951) You realise you social life is getting killed by this forum. Then you remember you didn't have one.
    952) You start doing celebrity guards and Hammers. Terminator Hammer, godfather Hammer, Mr Tang guard, John Howard guard...
    953) 47 to go! You.. do.. amusing things.

  13. #38
    Mr Croft

    Fred Chook:
    954) In 'The Gem', you get sick of Farkus, and break into his house, avoid the traps, charge right up to him, with no regard for 'Kill no-one', and... can't.
    955) You develop an uncanny nack for hearing certain words in a noisy room, such a 'Thief', 'Garrett', 'Hammer', 'Cutty', 'Zombie' and 'Guard'.
    956) You wonder if you reach moderator status or get a prize or something by doing the 1000th clue.
    957) You exhaust your right brain thinking of ideas, so yoou turn to your left.
    958) (9*65+7/2)65-(23/4)=...?
    959) You go back to the right. Good old right.
    960) You start doing Thief-related-symbol faces, even though you didn't even do the normal :-)'s.
    961) Farkus- <8-C) Garrett- .-I or '-( Constantine- C>:-)
    962) You decide to hold a contest- Who can do Ramirez? Bafford? The High Priest?
    963) 37 to go! You contemplate the merit of a Thief wargame.
    964) You start humming the drunk guard's tune in Maths. You even do the hiccups.
    965) You do a Thief-Duke 3D total conversion.
    966) Vice-versa.
    967) You do a search for all posts with the word 'Thief' in them, so you don't miss anything.
    968) 32! You are arrested, but escape from your prison cell by carving soap into a blackjack. However, you don't get very far, as you can't find the enterance to the mines.
    969) 31! You go into a weapons store and ask for some gas arrows.

  14. #39
    Mr Croft

    Fred Chook:
    967: You only buy products, eat food or watch TV programs with 'Thief' in the title.
    968: You are so excited when you read an article about Thief Gold, you have to have a lie down and some CPR.
    969: You carve a small piece of wood into an exact replica of a Crayman.
    970: 30! You notice you've started walking like an ApeBeast.
    971: You buy a special box for keeping the Thief CD case in.
    972: You use Carleton in all your homework.
    973: You get picked on by a year 10 and find yourself saying 'The Builder strikes thee down at my call!'.
    974: You forget everyone's name, so you call them all 'Cutty'.
    975: You get a detention for 'Suspicious lurking, stealing and muttering'.
    976: You wonder why music video shows never play the Thief soundtrack.
    977: You lock yourself in a dark room and watch the intro sequence, over and over again...
    978: 22! You stack cheese.
    979: 21! You then jump on the stack of chese and eat it all.
    980: 20! You play with fire, sure that nothing will burn but torches.
    981: 19! You burn down your house.
    982: 18! You just can't find where they sell burricks in Myer's.
    983: 17! You do a Theif conversion for Grand Theft Auto.
    984: 16! You go into a panic about your co-op partner in Thief 2 accidentally blackjacking you, until you need an ambulance.
    985: 15! You turn the mustached git on Pringles packets into Garret with a thick black texta.
    986: 14! You create your entire town in Dromed, then put in skins and voices for all your friends, and then blackjack them all, pile them up and set fire to them.
    987: 13! You go on a quest to find all the toilets in Thief. (Some in RTC, some in SB, at least one in every fan mission)
    988: 12! You make a mission of your school, fill it with people, every last detail... then cover it with powder kegs.
    989: 11! You hang Bafford, Ramirez and Hammer banners all over your house.
    990: 10! Just 10! You have posted at least 100 signs in the last 3 days.
    991: 9! You even have the official '1000 signs' signature.
    992: 8! And the shirt.
    993: 7! And the mug.
    994: 6! You drew 'Thief' in big letters on your hankerchief, then realised you can't use it now without defiling it.
    995: 5! You swear that if anyone says one of these doesn't count, you'll kill 'em. Even if it is on expert and you aren't allowed to!
    996: 4! Oh, god, my abdomen is swirling... You buy six copies of Thief, in case there's any difference between them.
    997: 3! You decide to donate all the prize money to charity.
    998: 2! You write to various magazines, asking them to do a section exclusively dedicated to Thief.
    999: 1! Just one! One more and I'll have got it! I just need some sign to go here, like 'You start a Thief-fan-club in the school library, and no-oe joins as they've never heard of it', and then I will have DONE IT!
    1000: You do the 1000th post, take it down so someone else can do it, then are forced to put it up again by people who you never thought gave a damn about you. You guys rule!

  15. #40
    Mr Croft

    1001) Like Garrett, you set your sights on an even bigger prize. (And... if this, by default, becomes the 1,000th post...)
    1000) ... you think Fred Chook should always be considered the 1,000th person to post no matter what the numbers say, because I like him. And I mean that sincerely. {AHhhhHHhh! Things are back as they should be!}

  16. #41
    Mr Croft

    Keeper Mallinson:
    #1002 You formulate 40 proceeding posts to # 1000 and stay up half the night waiting for someone to open a window for you.
    #1003 You rip your hair out and scream "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" on realizing you were beaten to # 1000 while you dozed off in your chair.
    #1004 You suggest that we aim for 2000 and see if we can do it for the millenium, or even 5000 for 2001!!! (and I don't wanna hear "But Keeper, 2001 is in actuality the start of the new millenium" for anyone.)

    Keeper Mallinson:
    #1005 You make plans to assassinate good ol' Freddie and take his place as new High King of the Forum. You even consider formulating a fanmission out of this, breaking into his mansion, killing every guard on the way, smashing into his thrown room, catching him in a drunken stupor on his thrown with a pile of chicken bones all around it, and slaughtering him just as he realizes who you are and what's going on. But until then, good show ol' chum. :/

    Singing Dancing Moose:
    #1006 You realize the desperate sqaublling to rule this forum by way of 1000th post is of little matter, and in the end, you shall triumph over the fools, once you have summoned forth the hoards of hell to do your bidding! MWAHAHAHA- er, nevermind...

    #1007 When members of your own family starting reminding you Zombies.....walking around aimlessly and making loud noises out of every orifice!! LOL!!!!
    ****Zombies, Haunts arise to show the Builder the true meaning of power!****

    #1008 You have completed the entire game lytha-style (on expert, all the loot, 0 damages dealt, 0 knockouts, no suicides).
    #1009 You have had a sword fight with a fire elemental and won.
    #1010 You realize that, with all the numbering mistakes (not to mention duplicates), the 1000th sign probably isn't.
    #1011 You wonder if, by some whim of fate, you have the real 1000th post. Not that it matters.

    #1012 You go through a whole day at work refusing to help a single customer; when asked why, you reply "I'm working Lytha-style today!"

    #1013 Your boyfriend calls you from a plane while flying over Japan to ask you what level you're on in expert mode and how much loot you found. (true story!)
    #1014 You have dreams of fire elementals slamming into your roommates bedroom (while she's in there) and you jump up, arms in the air, screaming "YEAH!"
    #1015 You see a little iddy bitty spider across the room, and your heart starts beating wildly as you desparately search for your broadheads.
    #1016 You blow off studying for a graduate midterm to post to this thread.

    #1017 your wife no longer complains about the time you spend on the PC, which is most likely related to all those "clandestine ambushes" she is the "victim" of lately.
    #1018 You rattle the doorknob to the data center at work while nervously looking over your shoulder for guards before finally using your electronic keyless entry tag ... "CLICK!"
    #1019 You habitually avoid the walk up to your front door, traverse your lawn instead.
    #1020 When you finally do get to the front door, you mumble, "hmmm... better look for another way in".
    #1021 You open your fridge, and leap for the nearest shadow when the light comes on.
    #1022 The fridge is still open. You wait until you're sure that no one has seen or heard you. You approach the fridge more closely and after some examination comment, "creepy".
    #1023 You are out of deer leg.

    #1024 you get your boss drunk, dress him up in armour and pretend he's the drunken guard infront of the well in baffords so you can blackjack him and steal the keys to his house and or car.

    #1025 You secretly hope that someone will compute it out so that Fred does NOT take credit for the 1000th reason as you think the resulting "postal" activity would be even more amusing than watching zombies beating up hammers in Cragscleft while playing Lytha-style.
    #1026 You secretly hope that in the final computations, where all duplicates are weeded out, that one of your "> 1000" entries actually IS the 1000 post.
    #1027 You realize that you actually listed the above reasons on the forum, and that these are not very secret anymore.
    #1028 You just don't care - you WANT the 1000th reason to be YOURS at any cost!
    #1029 You realize you are not truly concerned with getting credit for the 1000th post as with Fred NOT getting credit for it.

    #1030: You realise what a poisoned chalice the damned 1000th post has become, and quite frankly, you can do without it.

    #1031 - You realize that if SloulStripper goes ALLL the way back to page 1 and deletes this topic, then Fred Chook will have absolutely nothing to do for months.

    by the builder's hammer! this thing yet lives!
    #1032 - You have, at one point, considered compiling this list and making it all pretty.
    1033 - You've saved at least one version of this list to your hard drive, "just in case."
    1034 - You use this list to put off work even longer.
    1035 - You use this list as a checklist of things to do.
    1036 - You actually recognize repeats here (i think my last one might've been...)
    1037 - You realize how funny it would be if SoulStripper had checked the "email notification" box .

    1038- You already have Thief Gold...and you got it 'Lytha' style...

    Fred Chook:
    1039: (No sense not posting, even after doing the 1000th. Who'd have thought that I'd do it when I came here. My very first post was was complaining about newbies. It was! Anyway...) You convince four friends to join the forum and buy Thief Gold, then realise all of them will have it, and you won't, so you waste another $40 in a panic attack.

    Keeper Mallinson:
    Ohhh, no you don't.
    #1040 No matter how many times this post goes down the "Show topics from past 10 days" line, you know you must bring it back up to post more. Come on, guys!

  17. #42
    Mr Croft

    Well... all done people, start your postings.

    1043) You actually count how many clues are listed on this thread

    1044) You take the time to edit & repost this thread

    1045) You tell poeple that it didn't take to long to cut-&-paste it.

    1046) You repost this thread a second time.

    1047) When you start to relize that this thread has a pulse, it lives, & it cannot die.

    1048) When this thread is the reason you keep coming back to the TTLG Thief forums.

    1049) You try to tell people that you couldn't remember the other clues that were listed in the other forum repost

    Mr Croft ~ Have you signed the
    Ultima Underworld 3 Petition yet?!
    Oh ya & by the way, "Go Raid Something."

    [This message has been edited by Mr Croft (edited November 04, 1999).]

  18. #43
    Mr Croft

    1050) You start thinking of other types of jokes to say about thief (i.e., you might be a thief Redneck).

    Mr Croft ~ Have you signed the
    Ultima Underworld 3 Petition yet?!
    Oh ya & by the way, "Go raid something."

    [This message has been edited by Mr Croft (edited November 08, 1999).]

  19. #44
    Fred Chook

    1051: You wonder how, if the original 'Clues' was 15 pages, this one can be 2 pages.

  20. #45
    Mr Croft

    It can be reduced to 2 pages if you remove all posts that aren't clues. And if you edit it so you only post the clues they listed & nothing more.

    Mr Croft ~ Have you signed the
    Ultima Underworld 3 Petition yet?!
    Oh ya & by the way, "Go raid something."

  21. #46
    Fred Chook

    What, we had 12 pages wasted space?

  22. #47
    Keeper Mallinson

    Why is the first page is that wierd format? It's annoying to have to scroll left to right, left to right...

  23. #48
    Fred Chook

    1052: You plan a Thief mission about the crusades, then put Farkus in.

    1053: You paint Hammerite murals in your living room, Woodsie cave-paintings in your bedroom and Keeper insignias in the bathroom.

  24. #49
    Keeper Mallinson

    Come on, people, we've come so damned far! Don't let it die! Ever!

    1054: You construct weapons out of tinfoil and cardboard as prototypes for proposed new weapons in Thief 2, and FedEx them to TTLG Studios with a few blueprints of the weapons' function and a letter saying "Just send out a check to..."

    By the time you find a lightswitch, I'll already be gone...

  25. #50

    #1055 You remember how much you loved archery and go spend a wad on a new recurve, arrows, and 2 arm braces even though you only need one. Now, where's a hay bale when you need one?

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