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Thread: Kleptomaniac: The Not-So-Bright Project

  1. #26

    "Greasy feeling"

    Ha, ha, ha......

    That was great.........I can just see a movie made of this. Jim Carrey would be good.....or maybe Randy Quaid.


  2. #27

    Thanks again, everyone! I'm glad you all are enjoying it. I'm certainly having a blast writing it.

    I've actually thought out the general plot line for most of the other missions too, and I don't mind writing them all ... if it's okay with y'all. Just let me know what y'all want me to do.

  3. #28

    *chuckle* LoneCoyote, as far as organization, I'd loooove to see all of the levels parodied like this As far as content, do what you think is funny and only turn half an ear to what others say. You've done excellently thus far, without guidance from others To thine own self be true

  4. #29

    LoneCoyote, the last two chapters had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. I loved the "cow pits" conversation. Keep 'em coming!!

    Anti-Vegetation Patrol
    CLAN Larcenio Haul
    "Please be warned- A misguided soul..."

  5. #30

    Good god, I don't know if this is sick or hilarious! Tell more!!!

  6. #31
    Medlar Shyloc

    Just love it LC keep it going! lol

    Thieves do it alone in dark rooms

  7. #32

    Originally posted by LoneCoyote:
    I've actually thought out the general plot line for most of the other missions too, and I don't mind writing them all ... if it's okay with y'all. Just let me know what y'all want me to do.
    What... have you lost your mind? Off course we would like to see the rest of them. You're doing a great job.

  8. #33
    Keeper Hellzon

    Did I mention I love it? Didnīt thins so. Well, I do.

  9. #34
    TTLG Server Goddess
    Gone, but not forgotten

    Registered: Jun 2000
    Location: Out of my mind...

    more! more! more! more!!


    Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.

  10. #35


    He spilled his arrows for two times. lol

    I can't stop laughing!

  11. #36

    My goodness: LoneCoyote, you sure did a good job! Everyone just seem to LOVE you, good god, he IS famous.. hehe..

    Keep going!

    [This message has been edited by JonasD (edited October 25, 2000).]

  12. #37

    Haha! MORE MORE!! Whoops... spilled all my arrows...

  13. #38

    I'm "quiver"ing with laughter. Keep going, Lone Coyote!

    Here's something I'll never forget.--
    Flavor:Player Factory
    From:Starting Point(2)

  14. #39
    Goliath The Thief

    LOVE IT!!!!

    "Praise Karras!... And the Builder..."

  15. #40

    I'm going to petition Dan to catalog these when they're finished and add a link to the stories page!!

    This is incredibly funny!

    He climbs up through the weapon, but his surprise...-Sting

    Walkthroughs, Secrets, & Lootmaps available for TDP/TG and T2 at Keeperchapel.

  16. #41

    I just hafta say it again... that's great stuff!

  17. #42
    The Alchemist

    Wow, that is the best comical fan fiction I have ever read. Please, go on.

    *Bows infront of the altar of the chappel within the castle in the middle of the city -the capitol- of the country he bought for LoneCoyote.*

    This is my Body (Body of The Sacred), This is my Blood (Blood of the Damned).

  18. #43

    ... And the manfools piled
    rock on rocks and raised
    a treesie roof,
    ... and laughs at the
    Woodsie Lord.
    ... and when learns the
    Lord of this, He sends
    His beastesses to the manfools ...
    ... and they huffed and they puffed
    and they blew the manfools' housie down ...

    - The Trixsta's Big Book of Bedtime Stories

    Garrotte strode down a dark hallway made of cold stone. Abruptly, the hallway came to an end, but he could see the outline of a door in front of him. He opened it and peered into a brightly lit, carpeted passageway.

    There was a guard here, but his back was turned to the door. Instead of guarding the passageway, he was more intent on imbibing the bottles of wine scattered on the floor and pathetically humming something that was hardly recognizable as a tune. He was obviously stone drunk.

    This will be easy, Garrotte thought as he reached for his blackjack. He crept into the room and got behind the guard. He raised the blackjack above his head to deliver a powerful blow.

    Just then the guard passed out from having drunk too much, and toppled forward onto the floor. Garrotte stood there with his blackjack still raised over his head, staring in disbelief.

    He put his blackjack away and continued his exploration. At the end of the carpeted passageway, he emerged into a long room with three square columns lining the center. It was the same room that Cogsdale had brought him through earlier on the way to the lavatory. The near wall contained a few archways leading off to parts unknown. The opposite wall contained only one opening, and beyond that he could see what appeared to be a large pool of water.

    He began walking the length of the room, heading toward the front of the house. Suddenly a door off to his left banged open and a guard entered the room.

    "Hey, you!" yelled the guard.

    Garrotte turned and ran through a darkened archway. The guard drew his sword and began pursuing him.

    "You asked for it!," the guard yelled.

    Garrotte ran up some steps and into an octagonal room. To his right he saw some more steps, so he ran up them and emerged into another octagonal room. To his right he saw a passageway, so he ran through that and collided head-on with a patrolling guard as he emerged into a second floor passageway. The impact sent Garrotte and the guard sprawling onto the floor.

    The pursuing guard emerged into the hallway, saw Garrotte picking himself up off the ground, and said, "Ah ha! I've got you now!"

    "Leave him alone!" commanded the other guard as he got up and drew his sword. "He's mine!"

    "I saw him first!" protested the first guard. "He's mine!"

    "But he's on my hallway!" countered the second guard. "He belongs to me now!"

    "Go find your own thief!" yelled the first guard. "I'm taking credit for this one."

    Garrotte took off running while the guards argued.

    "Look!" cried the second guard. "He's getting away!"

    "I'll get him!" proclaimed the first guard as he turned to run after Garrotte.

    "No, I'll get him!" yelled the second guard as he pushed the first guard out of his way.

    The first guard stuck out his foot, tripped the second guard, then continued his pursuit of Garrotte with the second guard not far behind.

    "Curse you!" yelled the second guard. "That wasn't fair!"

    Meanwhile, Garrotte had escaped into what looked like a rooftop garden. There were grass and trees all around. To his right, Garrotte saw a stairway leading up to an upper ledge.

    The guards saw Garrotte through the entryway to the garden and took up the pursuit. Garrotte ran up the stairs and along the ledge. He saw a darkened entryway off to his right and dashed through it only to find himself on a balcony over looking the swimming pool three stories below.

    The guards came up behind Garrotte and saw that they had cornered him.

    "Heh heh," chuckled the first guard. "It's all over for you now!"

    "That's right," agreed the second guard. "You asked for it!"

    Garrotte hopped up on the stone railing of the balcony as the guards slowly moved toward him, relishing the moment. He didn't want to try diving into the swimming pool, but it looked as if he had no other choice.

    "Hey!" said the first guard to the second. "Move aside. He's mine!"

    "No he's not!" argued the second. "He's on my floor. That makes him mine!"

    "There's no such rule," protested the first guard.

    "Oh yes there is," countered the second. "Just check Lothelia's Etiquette for Guards. It's in there."

    "Oh yeah?" said the first. "Tell you what. I'll play you rock-sword-hammer for him. Best two out of three."

    "Agreed," said the second.

    "Okay. Ready?" said the first guard. "One - two - three. Hah! My hammer smashes your rock! Ready? One - two - three."

    "Hah!" exclaimed the second guard. "My sword cleaves the handle of your hammer."

    "Alright," said the first guard. "One - two - three. Ah hah! My rock chips your sword! I win!"

    Suddenly, the first guard raised his sword high above his head and - with a battle cry - began charging toward Garrotte.

    Frantic for some kind of escape (other than plunging three stories into a pool of water) Garrotte desperately looks around and spies a narrow ledge off to his left. At the last moment, Garrotte leaps for the ledge.

    The charging guard brings his sword down to deliver a powerful blow, but Garrotte is no longer there. The momentum hurls the guard over the edge of the balcony and into the swimming pool far below.

    Garrotte barely managed to catch onto the ledge. He struggled to mantle himself onto the ledge, and, in the process, both his sword and blackjack come loose and fall three stories to hit the guard who is just climbing out of the swimming pool. The guard staggers and falls over.

    Garrotte mantles onto the ledge. He sees an entryway leading to a darkened room and makes his way into it. As he does, he hears the second guard running toward him. So Garrotte runs in the opposite direction - out of the room and onto another ledge.

    He runs along the ledge with the guard in hot pursuit. Suddenly he reaches the end - nothing but a wall with a blue banner bearing the letter "B" in front of him. He turns his back to the wall to face the guard.

    "Hah! You won't escape this time!" yells the guard as he slowly moves toward Garrotte.

    Seeing no escape, Garrotte slowly moves backward toward the wall. He stumbles on an uneven place in the stone floor of the ledge, and falls backward into the banner, which rips from the wall and comes down over his head - covering the entire upper portion of his body. He frantically tries to remove the banner - swinging and gyrating his arms and body wildly.

    The guard laughs and moves into to deliver the final blow.

    At that moment, Garrotte's frantic gyrating loosens a flashbomb from his belt, and it falls to the ground - blinding the guard. Garrotte continues swinging his arms wildly, and accidently knocks the stunned guard backwards. The guard trips over the same uneven place that tripped Garrotte, and he goes down - hitting his head on the floor.

    Garrotte finally manages to free himself from the banner, and is pleasantly surprised to see the guard lying unconscious before him.

    He turned to look at the place where the banner had hung, and saw a secret passageway in the wall.

    ... to be continued ...

    [This message has been edited by LoneCoyote (edited October 26, 2000).]

  19. #44
    The Alchemist

    *TheAlchemist buys LoneCoyote another country*

    Which do you want now? Australia? Germany?

  20. #45



    keep it going!

  21. #46


    I'm enjoying this more than some of Fritz's stuff! (Final Fantasy parodist.


  22. #47


    Keep it up!
    I love this!!!

  23. #48
    Previously Important
    Registered: Nov 1999
    Location: Caer Weasel, Uelekevu

    Barkeep! More Ale for this minstrel...
    Keep his lips moistened, for he must tell us his tales all night!

  24. #49

    I was laughing so hard at the bit where the drunken guard passes out before Garrotte can BJ him, my two dogs were looking at me like I was insane. This is some damn funny work. If you plan on doing every mission then we can expect to be entertained for many months to come. Cheers and beers.

    If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?

    Guardian of the Taunt
    Clan Larcenio Haul

    sssh! be vewy vewy quiet, i'm taunting wabbits.

  25. #50
    Medlar Shyloc

    Thieves do it alone in dark rooms

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