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Thread: dad jokes

  1. #1
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2001
    Location: Somewhere

    dad jokes

    ArtificialEnemy08/24/2020
    whered my guitar go

    Piglick08/24/2020
    the dog ate it

    ArtificialEnemy08/24/2020
    oh no

    Piglick08/24/2020
    now he is all fretful
    [5:42 PM]
    boom tish

    ArtificialEnemy08/24/2020
    :gun:

    discord convo between me and son

  2. #2
    Still Subjective
    Registered: Dec 1999
    Location: Idiocy will never die
    Top tier daddish

  3. #3
    Member
    Registered: Aug 2009
    Location: thiefgold.com

  4. #4
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2002
    Location: In the flesh.
    What is the perfect number of beans for a bean soup?

    239

    One more and it's too farty.

  5. #5
    Member
    Registered: Nov 2001
    Location: Lille, France
    Doc : I've got good and bad news for you.

    Patient : Give me the good news then.

    Doc : You have 24 hours to live.

    Patient : Oh, no! What possibly must be the bad news?

    Doc : I tried to phone you but you didn't answer yesterday.

  6. #6
    Moderator and Priest
    Registered: Mar 2002
    Location: Dinosaur Ladies of the Night
    OH GAWWWDDD!

    +1. Continue.

  7. #7
    Member
    Registered: May 2004
    Do you know how holy water is made? They boil the hell out of it.

  8. #8
    Member
    Registered: Aug 2003
    Location: Jafaville New Zealand
    Do you know the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket?

    "Grandson! Look how far I can kick this bucket!"

  9. #9
    Still Subjective
    Registered: Dec 1999
    Location: Idiocy will never die
    What do you call an organ donor list that's in alphabetical order?

    Organ-ised.

  10. #10
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2002
    Location: In the flesh.
    A clairvoyant midget escaped from jail and there is an all points bulletin out for his arrest.

    That's right, there is a small medium at large.

  11. #11
    Member
    Registered: May 2004
    What did the duck who bought lipstick say?

    ...

    "Put it on my bill."

  12. #12
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2002
    Location: In the flesh.
    Knock knock

    Who's there?

    Ah

    Ah who?

    Werewolves of London

  13. #13
    Member
    Registered: May 2004
    Ah-whoo! Werewolves of London. Ah-whoo!

  14. #14
    Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete?

    She wanted to see the Task Manager.

  15. #15
    Member
    Registered: May 2004
    Ctrl+Shift+Esc is faster.

    Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?

    ...

    She kept running away from the ball.

  16. #16
    Member
    Registered: Nov 2001
    Location: Lille, France
    Gare du Nord :

    Traveller : I want to go home quickly.

    Ticket agent : Tchoo Tchoo where?

  17. #17
    Moderator
    Registered: Jan 2003
    Location: NeoTokyo
    I ate a clock but it was so time-consuming.
    It tasted good enough at least.
    Not long after I finished, I went back for seconds.

  18. #18
    Member
    Registered: Jun 2001
    Location: under God's grace
    What did the speck of dust say to a horde of vacuum cleaners?

    "You all suck!"

  19. #19
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2002
    Location: In the flesh.
    This thread needs more updog.

  20. #20
    Member
    Registered: May 2004
    What's up, dog?

    Last edited by Starker; 5th Sep 2020 at 15:52.

  21. #21
    Member
    Registered: Aug 2003
    Location: Jafaville New Zealand
    Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?

    He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

    ...

    I wasn't close to my father when he died.

    Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine

    ...

    Whats brassy and sounds like Tom Jones?

    Trombones.

    ...

    What do you call a kid who is half French and half Scottish?

    A oui lad.

  22. #22
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2002
    Location: In the flesh.
    My wife yelled from another room asking if I ever got a shooting pain like someone was stabbing my voodoo doll.

    I told her no.

    She asked "how about now?"

  23. #23
    Member
    Registered: May 2004
    Quote Originally Posted by bob_doe_nz View Post

    Whats brassy and sounds like Tom Jones?

    Trombones.
    Also, Tom Jones.

    A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

  24. #24
    Member
    Registered: May 2004
    Location: Canuckistan GWN
    A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve string here".

    The piece of string ducks into the alley and twists himself into a human like form with a loop for a head, knots for his shoulders and waist. He unravels the ends of his limbs to resemble toes and fingers.

    Back in the bar, his ruse works and he gets served. But the bartender keeps giving him dirty looks, which makes the string very nervous. Finally the bartender comes over and asks, "Are you really a person"?

    The string finally cracks and confesses, "No. I'm a frayed knot".

  25. #25
    Member
    Registered: May 2003
    Location: Minecraft
    Taken from a conversation in GW2 just now:

    Me: The chests there contain a lot of salvageable leather
    Guild member: Salvageable leather. Sounds like my grandmother.
    Me: She'll make a great pair of shoes on day, I'm sure
    Me: Especially if she's your step grandmother

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