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Thread: What to do with grief?

  1. #26
    Still Subjective
    Registered: Dec 1999
    Location: Idiocy will never die
    Quote Originally Posted by Tocky View Post
    she likes historical books about Scotland. Highlander stuff is her favorite.
    Tocky, I need to tell you something...

  2. #27
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2002
    Location: In the flesh.
    Perhaps I should have said historical settings. I guess I can't say much because I read a lot of Bernard Cornwell novels. They too are fiction but at least they are well researched and based on actual events. Agincourt of which Shakespeare gave his Henry V St. Crispin's day speech was particularly engrossing. I love the detail he gives a battle. You often come to understand why a battle was won. And too there is just something about a description of feeling through an arrow shaft how the arrow head is scraping along the back of someones skull after it has been driven through an eye socket.

  3. #28
    SShock2.com
    Member

    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: The land of ever sideways rain
    Quote Originally Posted by heywood View Post
    Long, dark winters really affect our moods.
    Hahahahahahahaha....

    *sniff*

    I'm sorry, you don't know me well enough to realise why that's funny. I moved a little over 1000 miles south to get to Scotland. I'm from the arctic. Scotland is always too warm and never has any seasons, just sideways rain that goes from +5C to +15C. February isn't winter unless it's -32C and a metre of snow. Glasgow had +17C. IN FEBRUARY! Give me 8 months of snow, not 3 days. Cold? I beg to differ.

    :ahem:

    I apologise for that unnecessary outburst, I'm just trying to prove the point that this is a vastly different climate. Much, MUCH warmer. And rainier.

    And yes, the weather does affect your mood, you are entirely correct in that. I'm from one of the sunniest places in Sweden, and I now live where the skies are always grey. That in itself is a very big change, and I do notice how it affects my mood. Maybe that explains why Britons drink so much more than I'm used to.

    Thank you for that line though, it did give me a good laugh and cheered me up a bit.

    [Edit]

    I did read Nietzsche way back, 20-odd years ago, and I agree with about half of it. Not the stupid bits. Did not read Schopenhauer yet. As much as I enjoy philosophy, I''m pretty sure it won't solve my problem. I'm pretty old and I have a fairly good, solid idea about myself and the world. I am at my core a very calm, relaxed, open person, almost nice if you ignore the sarcasm, both naive optimist and bitter cynic, my problem is not with my annoying personality, it is how to deal with the loss of the most important person in my life.

    [Edit again]

    Since my previous post, I had a conversation with my stepdaughter, and the bags of clothes are now moved out, so that she and my sister-in-law can go through them. We also discussed vague plans for something to do with the ashes. Again, I don't really care where, I just need ONE place to be able to go to for any important dates. I have missed not being able to go anywhere to grieve, but that might change soonish. Things are moving.
    Last edited by Gray; 9th Mar 2019 at 22:59.

  4. #29
    El Shagmeister
    Registered: Jul 2000
    Location: Under your fingernails.
    <3

  5. #30
    Member
    Registered: Sep 2001
    Location: Qantas
    Quote Originally Posted by Gray View Post
    Hahahahahahahaha....

    *sniff*

    I'm sorry, you don't know me well enough to realise why that's funny. I moved a little over 1000 miles south to get to Scotland. I'm from the arctic. Scotland is always too warm and never has any seasons, just sideways rain that goes from +5C to +15C. February isn't winter unless it's -32C and a metre of snow. Glasgow had +17C. IN FEBRUARY! Give me 8 months of snow, not 3 days. Cold? I beg to differ.

    :ahem:

    I apologise for that unnecessary outburst, I'm just trying to prove the point that this is a vastly different climate. Much, MUCH warmer. And rainier.

    And yes, the weather does affect your mood, you are entirely correct in that. I'm from one of the sunniest places in Sweden, and I now live where the skies are always grey. That in itself is a very big change, and I do notice how it affects my mood. Maybe that explains why Britons drink so much more than I'm used to.

    Thank you for that line though, it did give me a good laugh and cheered me up a bit.
    It's not about the cold. Scotland doesn't really get cold (or warm for that matter). What makes Scotland so dreary in winter is that it's always overcast, and it's windy and raining most days. It's just unpleasant to be outside. Lack of sunshine is strongy linked with seasonal depression and mood disorders. That's why they drink a lot.

    I also grew up in a place with cold, snowy winters, and I live in a place now that is a lot colder (at least in the winters) and a lot snowier than Scotland. But in the middle of the winter, between the snow storms, we get lovely crisp, cold, sunny days, where it's nice to be outside. And I enjoy the snow sports.

    I spent one unusually dark winter near Weymouth in the South of England where it was blustery and raining most days, and when it wasn't raining it was still overcast and humid. There was one stretch where the sun didn't come out for over 40 days, and everything stayed wet and soggy/muddy all winter. It was the most, awful depressing winter I've ever had. Relatives tell me Scotland is like that most winters.

    In any case, I still advocate moving to someplace sunnier, even if you don't want to move South. Not immediately, but once you're far enough along in the grieving process to put a little separation between you and your step-daughter.
    Last edited by heywood; 12th Mar 2019 at 13:29.

  6. #31
    There is an after life man, you'll see it when it's time.
    Last edited by curseofnight; 11th Mar 2019 at 22:47.

  7. #32
    SShock2.com
    Member

    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: The land of ever sideways rain
    Quote Originally Posted by heywood View Post
    What makes Scotland so dreary in winter is that it's always overcast, and it's windy and raining most days. It's just unpleasant to be outside. Lack of sunshine is strongy linked with seasonal depression and mood disorders.
    Yes.

    I do miss the sunshine. I'm not saying it's never sunny in Scotland, I'm just saying it's a lot less sunny than I'm used to, and yes, it does affect my mood. I try to make the most of the few sunny days, being outside as much as possible, unless it's one of those days where, while sunny, it's also raining sideways into your face. Like this week.

    [Edit]

    Also, there is insufficient evidence to suggest there is an afterlife. All we have is mythology and wishful thinking. Mainly the latter, because thinking about death as the end is quite a bummer. I bet you can not provide one single first-hand witness to support your opinion. I'll invoke the James Randi prize if I have to.
    Last edited by Gray; 15th Mar 2019 at 21:23.

  8. #33
    Gray, is Cariad Lloyd's GriefCast something you are familiar with?

    I can't promise it will help, but it's well-regarded, and people I know personally have found it to be good, so I've taken to recommending that people give it a listen.

  9. #34
    SShock2.com
    Member

    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: The land of ever sideways rain
    I'm not familiar with it, but I like her, she's funny. I'll give it a go. Thanks.

  10. #35
    Gray, you’re welcome to crash on my couch in Barcelona if you wanna hit some southern latitudes at some point to change air

  11. #36
    SShock2.com
    Member

    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: The land of ever sideways rain
    I appreciate it. I've been to Barcelona just once, but it seemed like a lovely city. Trouble is, I hate travelling now with my insomnia, so I'll probably never go again.

  12. #37
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2001
    Location: Somewhere
    How bad is your insomnia? Due to medical reasons, I rarely get more than 3 hours sleep per night, sometimes less. It rips me to shreds as I have 3 kids and work to deal with. Keep in mind I do have the opportunity to take a couple of quick naps during the day, otherwise I think i wouldnt be able to cope mentally.

  13. #38
    SShock2.com
    Member

    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: The land of ever sideways rain
    If I'm lucky, maybe 4-5 hours a night, waking up a lot in between, and I get very poor sleep quality. My brain is pretty much scrambled. That is why I stopped moderating TTLG in the first place, I just couldn't keep up any more.

    And trust me on this, grief and alcohol does not help.

  14. #39
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2001
    Location: Somewhere
    I cant speak for grief, but yeh booze does not help. Thankfully I have the support of family and friends. I wish you the best.

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