It's pretty much exactly like that. Your words are better than mine at expressing it.

So many things trigger memories for me, for good and bad. It's usually good memories, but they still make me sad. I miss her. I'm a very slow, stupid person, I intellectually know she's gone, but emotionally, I somehow still expect her to come back so I can tell her all the stuff I've been dying to say, even though I know that will never really happen. She left such a large, massive imprint on my soul, it will take me quite some time to fully realise she'll never be back. I mean, I know it's true, I just haven't fully understood it yet. I'm pretty stupid that way. Talking to the tree where her ashes were scattered is, I suppose, a way to slowly hammer into my own stupid head that she is actually gone. I was there. I saw all these things happen. I held her hand as she died. Death. Cremation. Ashes. All of it. I still just can't quite believe what I already know is true.

I still dream of her all the time. Our relationship may not have been the way it usually is, we were both quite weird people, but she was the most amazing person I ever met in my entire life and I feel so very privileged to have had only a few years with her. In many ways, I'm a very, very fortunate man. I saw pure, true love. I stared straight into its face. It's real.

Don't ask me if you'll ever find true love. It took me 30 bloody years of searching, with a lot of mistakes made on the way. But when I found it... I really did find it. True, pure happiness. It's real. It's out there. I hope you find it too.