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Thread: Who are you?

  1. #1
    SShock2.com
    Member

    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: The land of ever sideways rain

    Who are you?

    Who are you, deep inside, underneath all the layers of what you try to hide?

    Like everybody else, I'm a multi-layered person. Recently, I was prompted to try to describe my personality, so I tried to give a brief but clumsy description of the below, because I'm slow and thick, and I can't think on my feet. Here is what I should have said, now that I've had the time to think it through:


    On the surface, I may look somewhat hostile, 6 ft tall, shaved head, always wearing black or grey, with a grumpy face. However, this is not anger, it's just that I live with constant pain of 20 years of CFS. I don't actively hate you, I just look like I do, and everything everybody does annoys me because it causes actual physical pain. But I try to keep a lid on it.

    If you observe my behaviour, you'll find that I'm polite, considerate, humble and kind. I use words like "excuse me", "please", and "thank you". That's probably the most people will ever hear of me. I always step aside and let other people pass, be it a little old granny, playing children, a gang of loud teenagers or a mother with a stroller. I hold doors open. I wait for other people. I never litter. I do things the correct way. This is what I want most people to see. I try to behave as if I was a nice person. This is my thin veneer of civilisation and presentability.

    But underneath that is a hard, thick shell of bitterness, cynicism, sarcasm, anger and fear. It's the accumulation of all my life experience, all the hard things I've been through, all the injustice I've faced, all the lies and deceit I've heard, all the violence I've faced. This is where my true anger lies. This is my armour. This is my core strength. This is my weapon. But this is also the part that I try not to show to people, it just sometimes creeps out. Whenever I say something stupid on TTLG, this it where it comes from. Sorry about that.

    Buried deep, deep down, underneath that hard shell is something most people never see. The warm, loving, caring true self. The bit I can't expose for fear of getting hurt again. It sometimes leaks out through the other layers, but I try to stop it. I don't want anyone else to see this part of me, except for the most deserving, to whom I give everything. All of my love. All of that is me. This is what I'd like to think that I'm really like, I just don't want to show it.



    Whether you've thought about yourself to this degree or not, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who functions like this. There's probably been a lot of psychological research that breaks down people's personality traits into even more subgenres, and I've probably overlooked a few. This is just what I've come up with so far, in my own head, because I have too much spare time.


    This brings me to my point: Have you ever had a deep, long, hard look at yourself, and if so, what did you find?

    I'm not asking you to post your deepest darkest secrets here, just if you've ever thought hard about your own personality and how you behave. Are you a complete jerk? I know I sometimes am, but by accident. Do you deliberately antagonise people to prove a point? Guilty. Are you a racist asshole? I sincerely hope I'm not, but I need more data. Maybe I'm terrible, but I do try.

    Please, do elaborate.




    (and yes, this has been a long hard lockdown and I've had three bloody months to think about this shit)
    Last edited by Gray; 20th Jun 2020 at 10:07.
    Boing. Peng. Boom-Tschak. Peng.

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  2. #2
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2001
    Location: Somewhere

  3. #3
    LittleFlower
    Registered: Jul 2001
    Location: Netherlands
    You should have started this thread on the "Member's Chat" forum. I'm not gonna write anything personal on a open public forum. (I've written some personal details here before, e.g. about my work situation. But I always delete that after a few days, after people have had a chance to read it).

    The most noticeable thing about your description is that you write mostly about how you think others see you. Your appearance. And you write very little about how you see yourself. I think that is saying something about your personality. Maybe more than what you wrote yourself.

    In comparison, I couldn't care less what others think of me (except friends, close colleagues, and other people you (have to) deal with often).

  4. #4
    SShock2.com
    Member

    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: The land of ever sideways rain
    I'm not asking for personal details, you should keep those to yourself. I'm asking how you see yourself, and if you ever contemplate your own personality, in all its greatness and flaws.

    And about myself, I get to that at the core, when I've gone past appearances. I quite like the gooey squishy inner bit of myself, I might actually be be pretty decent down there, but I don't like my hard shell of sarcasm. I can, unfortunately, sometimes behave in a manner I do not approve of. But I try to be better.




    And again, yeah, it's been a long lockdown, and I've had WAY too much time to spend with myself. I wouldn't recommend it.

  5. #5
    Member
    Registered: Feb 2002
    Location: In the flesh.
    I'm not going to write anything personal on this forum... LOL. I think we all know who I am at this point. I'm the luckiest son of a bitch who ever lived.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Gray View Post
    Have you ever had a deep, long, hard look at yourself
    Yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gray View Post
    what did you find?
    Patterns?

  7. #7
    Chakat sex pillow
    Registered: Sep 2006
    Location: not here
    PigLick already made the post I intended to. Dammit.

    All right, considering it seriously. Gray with the impossible philosophical question. Who is anyone? Are we all just Boltzmann brains constructing reality around us? What's a collection of neural impulses to do? Assign the labels, do the phenomenological teardown, work through the qualia to arrive at some approximate linguistic distillation of personhood?

    Self-reflection's hard. I've done it at my lowest points. I didn't like a lot of what I saw. Do you ever self-reflect at your highest points? I haven't; I know the image keeps shifting anyway, so perhaps I should. But then are you really going to talk about it anyway? Some things are between you and the mirror alone. What's the beating core? There might be no simple answer. But I hope to god it's learning from old wounds instead of being crippled by them.

    What I've learned is I can be kind one minute, an asshole the next, repentant yet unforgiving, and fuck if I know that it's not turtles all the way down. All I know is I'm bleeding and healing every goddamn day, and that's the truth of it.

  8. #8
    When you reach a certain age, you know who you are. And there's a victory in that.

  9. #9
    Member
    Registered: Nov 2003
    Location: The Plateaux Of Mirror

  10. #10
    Member
    Registered: Mar 2001
    Location: Melbourne, Australia
    I have no mouth, and I must scream.

  11. #11
    Member
    Registered: Apr 2004
    Location: Netherlands
    ENTP

  12. #12
    El Shagmeister
    Registered: Jul 2000
    Location: Under your fingernails.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sulphur View Post
    What I've learned is I can be kind one minute, an asshole the next, repentant yet unforgiving, and fuck if I know that it's not turtles all the way down. All I know is I'm bleeding and healing every goddamn day, and that's the truth of it.
    *Snugs*

  13. #13
    Member
    Registered: May 2004

  14. #14
    There were discoveries. The rest is a work in progress.

    One day I might tell you about it.

  15. #15
    Moderator
    Registered: Jan 2003
    Location: NeoTokyo
    I suppose I think about this issue more explicitly now than I did in the past after experiencing a partner with a personality disorder, when I realized people with that condition don't really have a stable self. They have a loose assembly of emotions and memories, and they continually remake themselves into new persons, often by mirroring the identity of another person whole cloth. As I began to understand really what was going on, it made me not take a self for granted, but understand that it's something a brain brought up in a modern cultural context is very carefully tuned to construct.

    Anyway, one of the bigger landmarks that give substance to who I think I am is the conceptual revolution in thought I've already had, my own little enlightenment, which brought me to my own little crusade to bring this revolution to the people. People who know me on other forums may know I often use Andre Breton as my avatar. He had a similar kind of period of enlightenment in the WWI years in Paris which later blossomed into the cultural movement of surrealism. One interesting thing about our era is that it's been so long since there's been a bone fide cultural movement driven top-down by a few visionaries that people may have forgotten that it's a thing that happens sometimes. Anyway, I'm on a mission to create a movement. It's called cyberealism. If it takes off, then I'm going to be the guy that came up with that. That's who I am. Well, to be a bit more accurate, it's not that I identify myself with the movement per se, but I think if a person understands cyberealism in a deep way, then they'll understand who I am in a deeper way, like the way you can see the vision and ideas and obsessions of an artist in their work.

  16. #16
    verbose douchebag
    Registered: Apr 2002
    Location: Lyon, France
    More flawed than some, less flawed than others. Trying my best to be better day after day.
    I'm not exactly who I'd want to be if I could design myself from the gound up, but I'm also nothing to be unhappy about.
    "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good" and "stop and smell the roses" are 2 mottos I try to live by daily.

  17. #17
    LittleFlower
    Registered: Jul 2001
    Location: Netherlands
    I live by a "golden rule".
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule
    https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulden_regel_(leefregel)

    In Dutch: "Wat gij niet wilt dat u geschiedt, doet dat ook de ander niet".
    The saying has a nice rhythm in Dutch.
    The English translation is less fluent: "Treat others as you would like others to treat you".

    When you (try to) live by this rule, things become a lot easier. Just try to be nice.
    I'm not a Christian. But if you'd ask me to summarize Christianity, I would say the best summary of the original idea is: "Don't be a cunt".
    (Or: "love thy neighbor").
    Unfortunately lots and lots of Christians are hypocrites. The more fundamental they are, or try to be, the more hypocritical they are.

    It doesn't mean I'm always trying to be the nicest guy. On average, dutch people are more direct than others. Others might call me blunt. Or direct. Or even an arsehole, because of the way I say things. To me, that's no problem. I don't mind if others are direct or even blunt to me. Another reason for this is that I don't care much for words. Words do have some impact, but without actions, words are more harmless than some people would make you believe. I look at actions. Actions define who you are. Actions have impact.

    An example from the news today. One of our talking heads on TV made a (rather bad) joke about a Dutch rapper. Who is black. A joke that wasn't funny. Our media are having a field-day. The guy is getting crucified. He doesn't care. Personally I think it's a lot of baloney about nothing. Our Dutch national football team has declared they will not appear in this TV show anymore. That's just words. Because they never accepted invitations anyway. In the mean time, that same football-team has no problems to go to the World Cup in Qatar in 2022. Qatar is one of the last countries in the world that has real and existing slavery. No problem for them. But making a bad joke is the end of the world.

  18. #18
    Member
    Registered: Jan 2004
    Location: Back Home

  19. #19
    Member
    Registered: Apr 2004
    Location: Netherlands
    I've found a better way to define myself than Meyers-Briggs, apparently.

    I'm someone who hates whataboutisms. Someone who hates tolerance of racists with a history of making racist remarks being excused as harmless. Someone who hates modern-day slavery in another continent only being used as an excuse to not fix racism in one's own country, not as something to champion against. Someone who hates people with a motto like "Do to others as you would have them do to you" that still excuse racist remarks as not a big deal.

    Hate.
    Hate.
    Hate.

    I do like cats though.

  20. #20
    Member
    Registered: Jan 2014
    I believe the Hammerite Haunts also want to know.

  21. #21
    Member
    Registered: Sep 2001
    Location: Land of the crazy
    Quote Originally Posted by Jeshibu View Post
    I've found a better way to define myself than Meyers-Briggs, apparently.

    I'm someone who hates whataboutisms. Someone who hates tolerance of racists with a history of making racist remarks being excused as harmless. Someone who hates modern-day slavery in another continent only being used as an excuse to not fix racism in one's own country, not as something to champion against. Someone who hates people with a motto like "Do to others as you would have them do to you" that still excuse racist remarks as not a big deal.

    Hate.
    Hate.
    Hate.

    I do like cats though.
    I noticed that you just defined yourself by who you hate. And before that, a personality test result.

    I don't know you, so I don't know whether either of those things accurately reflects your personality. But it seems like you're projecting, which is not what Gray had in mind for this thread.

    I'm guessing you're reacting to Gryzemuis' post, which was also not in the spirit of the thread. Can you guys please not interject current events, culture, and politics? We get enough of that in other threads.

  22. #22
    Member
    Registered: Sep 2001
    Location: Land of the crazy
    I've been subjected to Myers-Briggs twice. First when I was a university student, when I worked with two friends on a year-long project to study the influence of learning style and personality type on standardized testing results. We administered a variety of different measures to about a thousand high school students across 8(?) urban and suburban schools and looked for correlations with SAT and ACT performance. MBTI was one of the measures, and we took the extended form ourselves before we got started. My result was ENTJ. This was in 1992, before the measure was widely known.

    When I got married, my wife & her family insisted on a Catholic wedding, so we did the Pre-Cana thing and I took it again. This time it was the standard questionnaire, and I was ENTP. The change from mild J to mild P probably reflected my maturation after getting out into the world. It was not a surprise to me. It also might have foreshadowed my decision to abandon a career as a military officer after just six years of active duty.

    Now that the MBTI is widely known because of the internet, it suffers badly from gaming the outcome. A lot of people read about it online and take the measure knowing in advance what type they want to be. Even if you try to answer the questions as honestly as you can, if you know what it's trying to measure it will indicate what personality you want to project more than what you are. So I think it has outlived it's usefulness.

    Since this is relatively self-contained, I'll stop here and then take a break to compose a longer post about who I really am.

  23. #23
    Chakat sex pillow
    Registered: Sep 2006
    Location: not here
    Sidebar: there are bigger problems with MBTI. The first is it's generally criticised as putting you in a box when human personalities don't operate in arbitrary type boundaries like that - which is also why you might sometimes feel that the indicator is somewhat off-base compared to your own observations of your behaviour. The second is that it's based on Jungian principles which aren't widely accepted as a psychological standard in this day and age, because our definitions and means of measuring psychological characteristics have evolved since the 20s. (There's a third, which is the inherent unreliableness/repeatability of results is a problem with MBTI - there's been some research showing the repeatability of the test is quite poor, which means in a relatively short time period you can get different results [types] by taking the same test twice.)

    While MBTI's big in corporate circles these days, I think the academic community's largely moved on. Big Five tends to address both criticisms by working on a sliding scale, and being more current in terms of how we define and measure traits.

  24. #24
    Member
    Registered: Apr 2004
    Location: Netherlands
    Quote Originally Posted by heywood View Post
    I noticed that you just defined yourself by who you hate. And before that, a personality test result.

    I don't know you, so I don't know whether either of those things accurately reflects your personality. But it seems like you're projecting, which is not what Gray had in mind for this thread.

    I'm guessing you're reacting to Gryzemuis' post, which was also not in the spirit of the thread. Can you guys please not interject current events, culture, and politics? We get enough of that in other threads.
    Are we not shaped by our dislikes as much as our likes?

    Anyway, I believe the question is largely meaningless, unless you're looking for test results, which still don't tell you a whole lot about a person. The "ENTP" post was a joke, a refutation of the question. I'm not a fan of MBTI's way of putting people in boxes and assigning characteristics to those boxes. ENTP probably isn't what I'd end up in anyway.

    If we're doing layer descriptions, I guess I could describe myself as a layer of cynicism over a core of mild optimism too. But what does that tell you, really? There are a lot of people that applies to, and they can vary wildly in behavior and probably thought - and what is a personality but behavior and thought?

  25. #25
    verbose douchebag
    Registered: Apr 2002
    Location: Lyon, France
    Quote Originally Posted by Sulphur View Post
    While MBTI's big in corporate circles these days, I think the academic community's largely moved on. Big Five tends to address both criticisms by working on a sliding scale, and being more current in terms of how we define and measure traits.
    I was under the impression that psychometric testing has been more or less debubunked as anything other than business tarot a few decades ago.

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