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Thread: Thief - the Mental Age, chapter six and a half

  1. #1
    Registered: Aug 2001
    Location: yo mama

    Thief - the Mental Age, chapter six and a half

    Thief II: The Mental Age

    A Thief II parody by Lars Melander (odourpreventer)
    Based on the work made and copyrighted 2001 by Seamus Sullivan (Muuurgh)
    Special thanks to Sarah Hard (Catkyn)

    Chapter 6 – An unauthorized interlude

    The evening was seriously miserable. It was cold in that bone-chilling way that makes you dream of palm beaches, or any other place that looks sexy on postcards. It was raining and foggy at the same time, with half a promise of thunder later. The wind howled sinisterly, as if scorning the few people trying to defy it. It was a perfect night for being inside, beneath a blanket, burning things in the open fire, with a cup of cocoa nearby, and trying not to think about religion.

    Gary was not covered with a blanket, and his current immediate surroundings certainly lacked cups of cocoa. What he did have was a mug of ale and an increasing urge to be some place else.

    He had gone back to the Incontinent Apeman Deli & Pub, knowing that no guards would think he would come back there. He had not chosen a table against the wall; only rookies who seek villainy-cred do that. Instead, he had checked a section with empty tables against the wall and then chosen the table inside them, which appears more casual. And now he was looking at Mostly's garment and trying to perform some considerable cogitation. So far, he was failing. (And yes, he was looking discreetly. Flashing the bra to the other few patrons wouldn't do.)

    Everything, Gary conceded, happened for a reason. True, it was usually the wrong ones, but that didn't matter. As long as he found a reason. For now, Trout's life – and untimely death – had turned into a soap opera and Gary's plans had turned into a dead end. He took a bite of his stale and lukewarm chicken sandwich and a sip of his stale and lukewarm beer.

    "So, have you figured it out yet?" The voice came from behind Gary's back.

    Gary sprayed the table with ale. "Leonard Nimoy!"

    "No, it's Creeper Karl. Remember me?"

    "Hard not to, when you keep bothering me all the time. When did you get here?"

    "Oh, just a few minutes before you did. Sometimes, you are dangerously predictable. And who is Leonard Nimoy?" Karl moved over to Gary's table.

    "Um, the town crier? Look, just tell me what I need to know and then leave me alone." Karl made a sign toward the bar counter. The barkeeper appeared with two mugs of ale and then dematerialized.

    "Alright. As you may have guessed, Mostly and Trout did have an affair,—"

    "Workplace relationships. They always end in misery."

    "—and the affair was violently disapproved of by Trout's mistress, who has some bonds to pagan society, and also is the absent murderer. Then there's the story of a shunned pagan husband, the leers and jeers from colleagues, the friction from having different belief systems, the pressures of modern society. Will these victims of passion ever find peace and understanding?—"


    "And while everybody's bickering, what will happen with little Timmy? Meanwhile, at the outskirts of the City, desperate measures are being taken..."


    "Sorry, got carried away. What is it you need to know?"

    "All I have is Morosely's bra. What I definitely don't have is a clue!"


    "Mostly what?"

    "That's her name, Mostly."

    "Right. Anyway, I'm figuring whatever's going on, she must be neck deep in this whole mess."

    "Hmm, amusing thought." Karl smirked briefly. "I can't really tell you much. For one thing, you wouldn't believe me. But there are great forces at play and the future of the City might be at stake."

    "As usual." Gary sighed. "The City's future is always at stake, isn't it?"

    "Um, a slight exaggeration—"

    "Karl, look at me."

    "But true. Yes, you're right. But that's the way things are! The balance mustn't be upset!"

    "But it's OK that I'm upset?"

    "I'm sorry, but you're our only hope!"

    "And why is that? How come you guys can't clean up this mess? Whatever mess this is."

    Karl suddenly looked a little tired. "Work regulations. I would want us to, believe you me, but it's the union."

    Gary nodded. There's always a reason.

    "So what balance is it this time that mustn't be upset?"

    "You need to have a meeting with Vict—with someone who will tell you everything you need to know. I advise you to start following Mostly around. Believe it or not, but she's sympathizing with the pagans."

    "I don't like stalking. For one thing, it's a lot of work."

    "It's your choice of course."

    "OK, fine. But tell me, how did you find out that the killer was also Trout's mistress?"

    "From Brother Leo..." Karl hesitated.


    "He's a voyeur." He had the decency to look embarrassed.

    "Somehow it doesn't come as a surprise."

    "So will you do it?"

    "I'll do it. I will follow Mossy—"


    "Whatever. But I would like to know more."

    "And I would like to tell you, but I can't. Sorry Gary." Karl stood up to leave. "Just follow the Trix Rabbit, Alice."

    "And now what is that supposed to—oh, you're already gone, of course."

    Gary emptied his ale, and then grabbed Karl's mug, which hadn't been touched during the whole conversation. He would drink it in a moment, but first he wanted some time to wallow in self pity. It's not much of a hobby, but sometimes it can be quite relaxing. Outside, thunder struck to heighten the mood.

    End of chapter
    Last edited by odourpreventer; 15th Jan 2008 at 09:43.

  2. #2
    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: Finland
    Always nice to see fan fiction continued.

  3. #3
    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: Finland
    ... Will it ever continue further?

  4. #4
    Registered: Dec 1999
    Location: Everywhere
    Well obviously, the author is long gone, but will we all be offended if someone else picks up where they left off?

  5. #5
    Registered: Oct 2004
    Location: UK
    Wow, I read the first few chapters of this on the Circle and really liked it. Glad to see it's continuing.

  6. #6
    Registered: Aug 2001
    Location: yo mama
    OK, this is thread necromancy, I know. I just wanted to tell that the next chapter is in the works. I've only just started, so it might take a little while longer.

  7. #7
    Registered: Dec 1999
    Location: Everywhere
    Wo0t! Really glad to see you're back! Bring it on!

  8. #8
    Registered: Apr 2001
    Location: Finland
    Oh what a glorious day! \o/ Will odour beat the Curse of Mental Age? Get ready for Round 2!

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